Does food own you?

After my Whole30, I had a couple of weeks off. I went to NYC, played with friends and stopped watching what I ate. 3 things happened:

1 - I felt disgusting from the inside out. My tummy hurt, my joints ached and I was hungry again
2 - I began to think about food again, and when I could have more of it
3 - I realized the emptiness of using food for comfort

Insert this weekend. I spent the last week "mostly" off sugar. I'm trying to make it a lifestyle change, which requires testing myself in situations. As with all things, sometimes I fail. It's a learning experience. So this weekend, I started it off on Friday night at a new, adorable pizza place right by my house. I got a pizza, beer and a cookie.

I drank the beer, watched the game and ate half the pizza. HALF THE PIZZA.

I walked home.

I was still hungry. I felt like I hadn't eaten a single thing.

HOW????? Didn't my body know I had just consumed damn near 2000 calories? Probably more?

It didn't. I felt empty, hungry, grumpy, whiny and entirely unsatiated. And still, I wanted more. LAME.

It didn't take me long to hate that pizza. How dare it trick me like that? How dare it fill my stomach up without bothering to trip the natural *full-o-meter* that it's supposed to after eating!

While working in NYC, I would frequent a local pizza bar. One of the people I met there worked at a company just a few blocks north. Their job was to chemically test food additives that would allow companies to take up "more real estate" - her words - in your stomach. Essentially how to trick your body into being hungrier AFTER you ate than before. Some foods you love were on her list....Top Ramen, Doritos, Kraft Mac and Cheese and McDonalds were a few I remember her listing.

It's no coincidence that Americans are larger and more unhealthy than ANY other nation. We have companies paid billions to ensure we consume. This pizza? Clearly a client of hers...

What are you eating just because someone paid to use your body to make money?

Whole30: Complete

Tomorrow marks the end of my challenge! And I did it!!! I'm feeling great...sleeping great...eating great. I can't see changing much, actually. Although I will be celebrating with a few cocktails :)

YAY!

Total weight loss: 22 pounds

Total sugar eaten: ZERO

Total changes: Too may to count

I miss gum: A Whole30 Story

For 23 days now I have been on my Whole30. I have not cheated, not once. I have not made an exception, not once. I have not had any issues, except one. 

I

Miss

GUM

I miss it so much I have contemplated re-piercing my tongue. I have always had an oral fixation. For as long as I can remember I would chew on everything...paperclips, pen tops, erasers, pieces of plastic. You name it, I've chewed it. Years ago I tried to give up gum and ultimately got my tongue pierced in order to succeed. It worked while I had it, but as I got older the stigma of it got to me and I decided it was time to take it out.

Back to gum it was. We were happily in a relationship again until 23 days ago. I didn't know until I had already committed to the 30 days that gum was part of the equation. It never occurred to me.

What you want to read is that these 23 days have taught me that I don't want it anymore. You want to hear that I'm reformed and will swear off gum forever.

This isn't that blogpost. 7 days. One day at a time. I can do this.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Whole30 Day 3

Today I did something I'm not supposed to do. I stepped on the scale. I couldn't help it...I was releasing a LOT of water and was feeling so clean I had to know what it was doing. I'm down 7 pounds since a couple of days ago. Clearly it's ALL water, but it feels amazing to be un-bloated.

Part of this is that I'm off all starches...but the other is that last night I had "lemonade" - The quotes are because for me, lemonade is literally lemons with sparkling water. No sugar or sweetener - I've never liked my lemonade to be sweet. Lemons are a natural diuretic, so it's not surprising that this happened, but it feels awesome!

I didn't sleep great, but I know this will pass. I'm waking up slightly hungry, which means my metabolism is working properly and I'm able to easily say no to the two boxes of cookies and chocolate cake that is currently sitting in my work break room. I feel my energy climbing, so I'm excited to have this increase!

Ups and Downs of weight loss

When I stepped on the scale last week, I knew I'd take a hit. I had my first "real" cheat day in 3 months and enjoyed a day of eating all the junk food I had lived without (donuts, regular soda, croissants, french fries, etc). In one day. Surprisingly, this resulted in a weight gain of only 1 pound. This week, I focused on sticking to the calories My Fitness Pal allots me and was rewarded with an almost 4 pound loss! Which makes it now 32 pounds I've dropped since the beginning of my journey.

It's been 3 months this weekend, so that makes it a little over 10 pounds a month. While I am certain I would have dropped more without my various ups and downs in how I have eaten, I also know that I will continue to have success because I am not "dieting." Instead, I have changed the way I eat, allowed myself exceptions and learning experiences, and am able to see food as nourishment first instead of a tasty fix.

If you're on a path to better nutrition, I recommend three things:

The My Fitness Pal app
GNC Total Lean Ready-to-drink Shakes
Yogurt (personal fav is the Cherry Fage)

Good luck!

Friends are great reminders

This past week, I had the pleasure of sharing my new found success with a good friend of mine. I listened as she expressed her frustration at recent weight gain and then had a time of reflection as she said no to having a salad with me for dinner because "I already had dunkin donuts today, so I'm going all out for dinner."

I remember being there. I remember when my brain was not on my side. I remember when each moment was consumed with thoughts of when I could eat again, which carbs I wanted, when I could get the next sugar high.

Listening to my friend, I had an extreme feeling of empathy; but not just for her, I had it for myself. I thought back to how I had been and thought for so many years and I just felt sorry for that 'me.' The slavery I had to my thoughts was so strong that at one point I tried to join the football team in school and later the army...just to have someone structure my life in such a way that my brain couldn't control me anymore. I was willing to have a drill sergeant scream at me and open myself up to going to war just to find some mental peace.

Ultimately neither of those happened, so my thoughts kept attacking me and sabotaging any of my attempts to change. When I finally decided I was going to get lapband, I was done. I was done fighting, I was done being bullied by my thoughts and I was done feeling worse every morning.

As I've shared in previous posts, my journey to getting the lapband included several epiphanies. The final one was that I simply had to say NO to myself. And I had to mean it. Listening to my friend struggle with her thoughts showed me just how far I've come. I don't try, I don't talk myself into eating healthy, I don't distract myself from thinking about unhealthy foods. I am free, completely.

The recipe for getting where I am is pretty simple:

Say no.
Pray.
Get people to support you without judgement and without jealousy (avoid others who are struggling still - they will unknowingly talk you out of making good decisions)

If you want to know:

What I eat

My exercise routine

My church