Does food own you?

After my Whole30, I had a couple of weeks off. I went to NYC, played with friends and stopped watching what I ate. 3 things happened:

1 - I felt disgusting from the inside out. My tummy hurt, my joints ached and I was hungry again
2 - I began to think about food again, and when I could have more of it
3 - I realized the emptiness of using food for comfort

Insert this weekend. I spent the last week "mostly" off sugar. I'm trying to make it a lifestyle change, which requires testing myself in situations. As with all things, sometimes I fail. It's a learning experience. So this weekend, I started it off on Friday night at a new, adorable pizza place right by my house. I got a pizza, beer and a cookie.

I drank the beer, watched the game and ate half the pizza. HALF THE PIZZA.

I walked home.

I was still hungry. I felt like I hadn't eaten a single thing.

HOW????? Didn't my body know I had just consumed damn near 2000 calories? Probably more?

It didn't. I felt empty, hungry, grumpy, whiny and entirely unsatiated. And still, I wanted more. LAME.

It didn't take me long to hate that pizza. How dare it trick me like that? How dare it fill my stomach up without bothering to trip the natural *full-o-meter* that it's supposed to after eating!

While working in NYC, I would frequent a local pizza bar. One of the people I met there worked at a company just a few blocks north. Their job was to chemically test food additives that would allow companies to take up "more real estate" - her words - in your stomach. Essentially how to trick your body into being hungrier AFTER you ate than before. Some foods you love were on her list....Top Ramen, Doritos, Kraft Mac and Cheese and McDonalds were a few I remember her listing.

It's no coincidence that Americans are larger and more unhealthy than ANY other nation. We have companies paid billions to ensure we consume. This pizza? Clearly a client of hers...

What are you eating just because someone paid to use your body to make money?

Whole30 breakfast or treat idea

It occurred to me last night that when making a smoothie, the issue is always the ice. SO instead of watering down my efforts, I decided to put my ice trays to work for me. I poured a can of Light Coconut Milk into one (one can equals a tray exactly - so convenient) and froze them.

This morning, I threw three cubes into my blender with 4 strawberries and half of a frozen banana.

OH MY GOODNESS!! YUM!!!!!

Whole30: Complete

Tomorrow marks the end of my challenge! And I did it!!! I'm feeling great...sleeping great...eating great. I can't see changing much, actually. Although I will be celebrating with a few cocktails :)

YAY!

Total weight loss: 22 pounds

Total sugar eaten: ZERO

Total changes: Too may to count

Whole30 Steak Salad with Avocado

Lunch doesn't have to be annoying! I chopped up some steak last night and threw it in an already hot skillet with coconut oil and Red Robin seasoning. I brought the leftovers for lunch and ran down to the salad bar nearby for a cheap salad. $2 later I had a steak, avocado, tomato and onion salad!

Yum!

Whole30 got me into my Tommy's

A couple of months ago I went shopping. Meandering through a cool, funky thrift shop I came across this awesome pair of Tommy Hilfigers. They didn't fit, but you don't leave a $6.50 pair of Tommy's on the rack....so I bought them. And today I am wearing them!!! Thank you Whole30 :)

Whole30 Day 4

I've always had a knack for ordering. Very often whomever I'm with will just wait till I order and say, "oh ya, that!" Even if they had something else in mind.

This is not different for packed lunches. And it isn't different while on Whole30. Today I'm traveling. Knowing I am usually hungrier when I travel, I thought ahead. Here's what I brought:

3 clementines

1 orange

strawberries

cashews

spinach*

grape tomatoes*

peperonchinis*

avocado with lemon*

frozen thoroughly cooked and seasoned chicken strips*

As you'll notice, a very nice combination of protein, fat and fruit/veg. Yes a lot of citrus...my CSA order came in and I figured I could bring them all to eat over the weekend.

I brought it all in baggies for easy combination when I was ready to eat. As I started to combine the salad items (those with an *), my fellow passengers began looking at their food and back at mine. I knew what they were thinking..."man that looks good!" Many watched me eat it.

Eating healthy doesn't have to be boring. It doesn't have to be bland. It's okay to make people jealous!

What are your travel food whole30 ideas?

Whole30 Day 1

My brain today is along these lines. I'm feeling great, full, satiated. I'm following the 4 meals per day plan as I follow the eat every 3-4 hours rule.

For meal 1: I had an egg, 1/2 a banana and some blueberries as well as coffee with a splash of coconut milk.

For meal 2: I had a spinach salad with fish, almonds, carrots, avocado and lemon juice.

For meal 3: I will have a couple of clementines and a hard boiled egg.

For meal 4: I will be making a bunch of things tonight, so I'm not sure yet, but I have a ton of healthy options that I'm looking forward to.

We are having an event at work today, so I'm super busy, which is a good thing for me as I am distracted :)

The no gum rule might just kill me, though...oy.

Whole30 challenge

While speaking with my sister about eliminating sugar from my diet and joining the CSA, she mentioned the Whole30 challenge. She completed it a couple of weeks ago and had amazing results. She and her husband are avid runners and cross-fitters; they are uber healthy, health-conscious and fit; and even still, she dropped a whooping 7 pounds in just 30 days! On top of that, her energy increased, her mood stabilized and she felt so great that she is still at it!

She sent me the book that day and I read it cover to cover fairly quickly. If I had not already begun eliminating so many things from my diet, this would seem a bit more daunting. As it is, however, there are very few additional changes I'd need to make, so figured...why not?!? Starting March 18th (I'm Irish - I'm not going alcohol free on St. Patrick's Day!) I will be on the Whole30 challenge!

It's quite simple - it's like a Paleo diet, but without the neanderthal inspiration. Instead, their idea is this: food either makes you healthier or it doesn't. That's it. So they evaluated everything and came up with the foods that make you healthier. There's no magic potion here, no math is involved and you don't even have to count calories. You simply remove toxic food from your diet...sugar, legumes, preservatives...you get the idea.

People have reported that illnesses have disappeared, health has improved exponentially and overall well-being is transformed. I will let you know how I feel as soon as I begin :)

Ups and Downs of weight loss

When I stepped on the scale last week, I knew I'd take a hit. I had my first "real" cheat day in 3 months and enjoyed a day of eating all the junk food I had lived without (donuts, regular soda, croissants, french fries, etc). In one day. Surprisingly, this resulted in a weight gain of only 1 pound. This week, I focused on sticking to the calories My Fitness Pal allots me and was rewarded with an almost 4 pound loss! Which makes it now 32 pounds I've dropped since the beginning of my journey.

It's been 3 months this weekend, so that makes it a little over 10 pounds a month. While I am certain I would have dropped more without my various ups and downs in how I have eaten, I also know that I will continue to have success because I am not "dieting." Instead, I have changed the way I eat, allowed myself exceptions and learning experiences, and am able to see food as nourishment first instead of a tasty fix.

If you're on a path to better nutrition, I recommend three things:

The My Fitness Pal app
GNC Total Lean Ready-to-drink Shakes
Yogurt (personal fav is the Cherry Fage)

Good luck!

Miscalculations

In the world of weight management, there is one factor that can silently sabotage your efforts...bad information. While much of the world is doing a great job of listing their calorie counts on their menus and in nutritional data online, not every restaurant does this yet. When having to do it on your own, it is quite possible that you will miscalculate things you eat.

This week, I did that. And I gained weight because of it. Thanks to My Fitness Pal, I was able to look at which foods I KNEW I got right, which then allowed me to see what I must have counted wrong. This did several things for me:

• It allows me to never eat those foods again, since I clearly can't properly account for them
• It allows me to NOT beat myself up for the weight gain
• and most importantly, it allows me to NOT let this to be a setback 

When you're trying to be healthy and lose weight (or gain it), as with everything in life, there is going to be a learning curve. Some days, weeks, months everything will go the way you think it will. And some won't. That's normal. When you don't know why it happened, it's easy to tell yourself that you failed, that your body is against you, that you might as well just give up because you clearly can't do this.

But when you know why, when you have the right tools and the means of changing your thought life to support you instead of sabotage you, miscalculations can be seen for what they are. Miscalculations. Not an attack, not a failure, not a character flaw. Just a simple, human, miscalculation.

So as I start my Friday, instead of feeling weaker, I actually feel stronger. I know how to do better next week, I know what to avoid and what doesn't support my efforts. I feel empowered.

***Sidenote: You'll notice in my post on what I eat, instead of deleting the things that contributed to this gain, I lined them out so that you too can avoid them :)

Friends are great reminders

This past week, I had the pleasure of sharing my new found success with a good friend of mine. I listened as she expressed her frustration at recent weight gain and then had a time of reflection as she said no to having a salad with me for dinner because "I already had dunkin donuts today, so I'm going all out for dinner."

I remember being there. I remember when my brain was not on my side. I remember when each moment was consumed with thoughts of when I could eat again, which carbs I wanted, when I could get the next sugar high.

Listening to my friend, I had an extreme feeling of empathy; but not just for her, I had it for myself. I thought back to how I had been and thought for so many years and I just felt sorry for that 'me.' The slavery I had to my thoughts was so strong that at one point I tried to join the football team in school and later the army...just to have someone structure my life in such a way that my brain couldn't control me anymore. I was willing to have a drill sergeant scream at me and open myself up to going to war just to find some mental peace.

Ultimately neither of those happened, so my thoughts kept attacking me and sabotaging any of my attempts to change. When I finally decided I was going to get lapband, I was done. I was done fighting, I was done being bullied by my thoughts and I was done feeling worse every morning.

As I've shared in previous posts, my journey to getting the lapband included several epiphanies. The final one was that I simply had to say NO to myself. And I had to mean it. Listening to my friend struggle with her thoughts showed me just how far I've come. I don't try, I don't talk myself into eating healthy, I don't distract myself from thinking about unhealthy foods. I am free, completely.

The recipe for getting where I am is pretty simple:

Say no.
Pray.
Get people to support you without judgement and without jealousy (avoid others who are struggling still - they will unknowingly talk you out of making good decisions)

If you want to know:

What I eat

My exercise routine

My church

Perseverance

After last weeks minor setback, I proved to myself that I have changed. How? I did NOT emotionally react, feel defeated and throw in the towel. Instead, I had a protein day, got back to the gym and prayed that God would work His magic on my body to heal it and help it to rebound quickly from the illness and medication.

This week I am down not just the weight I gained that week, but an additional pound, bringing my total pounds lost to 25.6! I was prepared for it to come off slowly and was completely awe struck at the scale this morning. I knew I had followed the right eating plan and exercised; but with steroids, I was cautious to be optimistic. I'm overjoyed to see the quick rebound my body made and be able to see God's hand in helping me to get through that bump with a good attitude and get to see such awesome results.

Last weekend I realized I could no longer wear my normal work pants, as they're way too big, so I went shopping. I figured I'd be down a size and brought a bunch of pants to the dressing room. They were all too big. I'm down 2 sizes! It's such a great feeling to know I'm in control of my body and my mind even when things externally impact me.

Another funny thing...I took a picture with a friend and could actually see the difference in my face. It's weird when you see your own weight loss happening.

Excited for the weekend!!

Steroids and weight gain

Being an asthmatic and sick is no fun. Part of the joy of it is having to take steroids so you can breathe. No, they aren't anabolic steroids...they're corti-steroids which reduce inflammation and help my lungs relax. Yay for breathing, but along with it comes weight gain, grumpiness, insomnia and a general lack of energy. I only have 1 more day of them, thank goodness. They resulted in a gain of 4 pounds this week...ugh. They also make you hungrier, which doesn't help the matter.

When I was a kid, my well meaning grandmother got me a cat for Christmas. Soon after, my mom found me on the sofa after school barely breathing. When we got to the doctor, my asthma had returned with a vengeance and I was immediately put on a grip of steroids. Within the year I had gained 85 pounds. As a ballet and tap dancer, this was devastating. It changed my whole world and was sick to my stomach with an ulcer by the end of the year. I ended up taking myself off of all of them and just avoiding anything and everything that triggered my asthma.

It is that weight which I'm still trying to get rid of now at 34 years old. 25 years of weight from those steroids. I can forget sometimes why I got here, but moments like this...having to be back on them and seeing things change so quickly...reminds me of it all and the struggle I had at such a young age. It makes me grateful to have a strong prayer life now, a strong support system now, and the self-esteem to talk about it so that it no longer has a hold on my emotional health.

I know that next week I will be back on track and feeling great, this is just a blip, but it stinks just the same.

Surprise success

Having gone on vacation for a week and eaten a bit more than usual, I was expecting this week to reflect a bit of that. Last week I dropped a pound and a half, so I thought if I was lucky I dropped another 2 pounds this week.

When I got on the scale, I had to re-weigh myself 3 times from disbelief. I dropped 6 pounds this week! Granted I tried to eat a bit less this week to make up for last week, but I never expected THAT! I cannot recommend highly enough the My Fitness Pal app. It has made ALL the difference. I'm able to keep track of everything so easily and monitor myself constantly.

Before my vacation, I expressed my concerns with several friends from church, so I feel very thankful that their prayers helped me get through it all with such ease and success. I feel strong, empowered and able to succeed like I never have before!

Vacation Days and food

Little is as challenging to a new lifestyle as going on vacation. The routine changes, the scenery changes and trying new foods is usually part of any good city one might vacation in. The trip I took included Albany, Quebec City, Salem, Boston and Cape Cod.

I have a fairly strict NO croissant policy...way too much fat and calories to eat this very often. To enforce this, my rule is that I can only have them if they're french. While in Quebec City, I got to have a chocolate croissant, which was heavenly. I also dined at various local eateries along our route and went over an average of 120 calories a day from my norm.

This means, though, that I still dropped a pound and a half that week! Keeping track of everything I ate helped a LOT. I also started every day with a protein shake, like normal; and I kept my favorite sugar free pudding with us. This enabled me to try out places without being too crazy in my changes. I felt great the whole time, walked every chance I got and was able to be successful in maintaining my weight loss and healthy lifestyle even while allowing more exceptions than normal.

Coming home, I made sure to stock up on my shakes and pudding so that I could transition right back to my routine. It's amazing, as well, how much proper hydration helps. I drink water like CRAZY.

Happy!

Success

On the road to health, it's always important to point out the things you do right. This week, even though I suffered from some additional stressers, I was able to stay right where I needed to be. I ate 1500 calories or less each day, started my day with a protein shake and got to the gym 3 times.

As a kid, there was VERY little I wouldn't do for a gold star. So to honor my inner child:

The real reward? On top of feeling great, I am down another 3 pounds. That makes it 18 so far!! I think instead of thinking in those terms I want to start thinking toward my goal instead of away from my past. So to change it up, I am now 111 pounds from my goal! The goal could change as I'm more interested in feeling great and being healthy than weighing a specific number, but for now it'll work.

Tomorrow I leave for a week-long trip around the northeast. It'll be awesome, but will carry with it additional eating challenges and probably no time to work out regularly. I'm fortunate to have a body of fellow Christians who support, pray and encourage me along this journey. One of them sent me an email after my last post encouraging me through my munchies. If you don't have a support system, I highly encourage you to get one. It really makes a difference to feel like there are people rooting for you.

I attribute my success this week to my support system, the My Fitness Pal app and my planning. Happy Friday, kids!

Munchies

As I approach my next hormonal shift, I notice two subtle things: I want to snack and I want salty or sweet things. The rest of the month I have been able to basically not pay a lot of attention to what I'm eating in a flavor or texture kind of way. I choose healthy foods that taste good and plan ahead well. Yesterday and today I am noticing a creeping need for munchies. Coworkers snacking is on my radar, I am thinking more about food than normal and I am starving.

While it's possible that it is tied to the minimal calories I had Monday, I think it is possible as well that my hormones are playing a role in this. I'm proud of myself in that I will still manage to stay within the 1500 calorie limit for the day, which is not normally how I would handle things when this shift comes through. It's a nice feeling to be in control even when my hormones and munchies are kicking.

My Fitness Pal review

In all fairness, this is my first day using it, so I could change my mind; but I LOVE the My Fitness Pal app! You can search various foods, put in calories yourself or create an entire food profile. It then compiles everything into weekly or longer data so you can see your progress. I also love that it tells you based on your weight, height and goal how many calories to eat per day.

Before you think this is just for those losing weight, it has goals to gain or maintain as well; and it has entries for exercise. I am not easily impressed and that is the word I would use with regard to this app! I had been writing down each days foods (if it goes in my mouth, it's counted) so this lets me do so on my phone, which is ALWAYS with me. In addition because you can enter your own foods into it, you can figure out your favorite meals once, input it with a name you'll remember, then just go to My Foods and find it the next time you eat it, instead of trying to recalculate things.

What's even MORE awesome is that because you create a login, you can access the information even if for some reason your phone isn't with you. Though I imagine that isn't often. I was able to see a pattern in my eating that tells the story of the successful weeks of weight loss versus non-successful ones. Oddly for me, I have many days where I under-eat so this called me on it and will encourage me to get my calories in regularly. A healthy metabolism is a properly fed metabolism.

Happy App-ing kids!

Panera Bread: Testing my kryptonite

Everyone has their "thing" where food is concerned. For me, it's Panera Bread. Well...and brownies, but that's a whole other level of discussion. Panera is a place I used to go and order soup in a bread bowl, with bread on the side and a cookie. For anyone paying attention, that's about 1600 calories. For one meal.

When I began my healthy lifestyle, I decided Panera was a "no" food because of my history. Two months ago, I had my "last" Panera and said goodbye to my favorite spot.

With the success I've had lately in feeling so in control of my hunger, I decided it might be okay to pre-plan and try eating there in a healthy way. After inputting everything I like into their nutrition calculator (how awesome is THAT??) I saw the pattern of what IS and what IS NOT okay to have. Some things are fine on their own, but would not be enough, so it was good to play around with everything.

Ultimately I decided on a bowl of Black Bean soup (NOT in a bread bowl), a baguette on the side and two patties of the butter. The total calories: 440, with 18g of protein and only 5g of fat!

It's been about an hour now and I still feel great. I'm not craving anything, I'm satisfied and I'm STOKED that I can now safely order at my favorite place without feeling out of control or having to avoid it!!!

Lesson: When you're getting enough protein and vitamins, etc, cravings disappear so you're able to actually ENJOY something without it controlling you.

YAY!

Getting noticed

If you've never weighed a whole lot...or never lost it...you won't know the info below. Even if you have dropped a lot of weight, you may not have noticed what I'm about to tell you. Being a people-watcher extraordinaire, I have observed the following:

It's kind of weird that every stage of weight has it's own category of attention. 15 pounds ago I was in the "invisible" category; the place where no one really looks at you except random homeless people. This stage is actually a big reason people get to that high of a weight. Much research has gone into the psyche of being overweight and has found that most people are heavy to protect themselves in some way. It's usually sub-conscious, but it is rare to find someone like me...someone overweight who likes attention.

Now I'm in the "noticed in passing" stage where people notice me again and are beginning to have judgement in their looks. It's important to note that at no stage do I care about these varying degrees of reaction/attention; I just find people fascinating (hey, my degree is in Sociology). I love to make mental notes of different things as I people watch in a feeble attempt to understand how people think. It makes the time on the train feel shorter :)

As someone who has lost a significant amount of weight before in my life, I know I will soon drop into the "Noticed and possible competition" category. This category carries with it a bit harsher judgement. When you're being judged because someone thinks of you as "fat," they are judging your overall appearance. When you're being judged because you might be a potential competitor, the judgement becomes about everything...how your hair is done, what your lips looks like, whether your shoes match your purse, if your toe nails are painted, etc. Girls are ridiculous. Again, let me reiterate, I'm able to notice this because it amuses me. Woman have NO idea what men actually see in a girl, so we judge each other based on what we see. The funny thing is that when a girl judges another on all that, it has no basis in her competitive edge. I get hit on more in sweats and a hair tie than I ever do when I'm perfectly coiffed. And I get hit on by more married men than single ones. Figure that one out!

I mention all this merely because I can. Being someone who's self-esteem is firmly planted without regard to others, I thoroughly enjoy watching people's reactions to each other, including me. Being intuitive, I usually know what they're thinking, so I love to look them in the eye. It's fun to watch their reaction when they realize I know. I don't know how this communication exchange takes place, but some day we'll discover people are more telepathic than science currently attests to. Until then I will just continue to enjoy, observe and report back to you what I find.