Seeing sugar as poison

Warning: this gets a little long

Having moved since my last post from NYC to sunny California, my life has been a little crazy. My weight has remained stable through this transition and I stopped worrying about losing for a while so that I could settle into life here. I'm now on a simple routine of walking to and from work each day (1.3 miles each way) and then yoga/stretching twice a week. I will soon be adding weight training in 2-3 days per week as well.

Now about sugar.

I spent last weekend in beautiful Lake Tahoe with my oldest friend in the world. She's a scientist and specializes in how various chemicals effect cell structure, etc. I am lost very easily when she speaks, but she is a great teacher and brings it back down to my level as soon as my face goes "huh?"

The topic this weekend was about a study that was recently completed. She is super critical of studies and doesn't believe most of what is out there. She will pour over the details of findings to make sure each step was done properly and that there was no possibility of bias on behalf of the researchers. It is this intense distrust in her that makes me worried. This new study she believes. She said the findings tell us this:

Sugar changes our DNA.
Sugar causes cancer.
Sugar then feeds the cancer.
Sugar causes diabetes.
Sugar causes heart disease.*

Sugar causes our cells to continue dividing even when they are unhealthy/damaged cells. In a normal body, when a cell divides and the result is a damaged cell, the cell itself has within it's structure to commit suicide; thus ensuring that only healthy cells continue dividing. Sugar blocks that signal. This means that when a cell divides and results in a damaged cell, that damaged cell goes right on dividing. It isn't hard to see why we as a nation have gotten so unhealthy so fast.

Thanks to the "fat makes you fat" craze, anything and everything was created "fat-free" AKA: high sugar. The flavor had to come from somewhere. Research has now proven that we were wrong. Completely. Some fats make you fat, but it is sugar that makes you sick. It's toxic. And it's in everything.

Alright, so not EVERYTHING. What isn't it in? The perimeter of the store. We've all heard it...that you're supposed to walk into the supermarket and stay on the outside. Why? Everything inside is processed. That truth is much more important than we knew.

The FDA is now in the process of changing food labels to show us the added sugar. The study is changing the face of food...and hopefully, your kitchen cupboards.

But HOW?!? Sugar?!? 

I know. Believe me, I know. Even after I had broken myself (through a ton of prayer) of my addiction to it, I was still in love with it. Come on, it's sugar!

That's the problem. When given the choice between sugar and cocaine (yes, cocaine), mice chose sugar! It's so addictive it can even make you want it over cocaine if you have to choose between them. If you don't think you're addicted to it, then stop. Today. See how that goes.

When you realize that you, yes you, are addicted...only then can you begin to heal it and stop having it entirely. The FDA is currently saying it's safe to have up to 5 teaspoons a day for women/7 for men. But a couple of years ago, it was 8/10...essentially sugar is being seen a less and less healthy. Therefore, it's my belief that the only solution is to remove it completely...like quitting smoking. Just done.

Does this mean you'll never ever ever have anything with sugar ever again? No.
Does it mean you'll stop buying it and eating it regularly? Yes.

Sugar should become so rare in your life that just as a previous chain smoker will be annoyed by the smell of smoke wafting their way, the taste of it should annoy you. After all, it's bad for you. Your body knows it, you've just been so inundated with it that your body figured out a way to deal with it. Your taste buds changed, your blood sugar changed and everything lined up to allow for this addiction.

It's not as hard as it sounds.

When I decided to take it out of my diet, I started SLOWLY. The word NO never entered my brain. I simply stopped buying anything with sugar in it. I also stopped counting calories. The only way I was going to get through this was to NOT feel hungry. Ever. Hunger = cravings = bad choices. So I surrounded myself with things I like that aren't sugary...crackers, cheeses, fruits, oatmeal, salad, chicken, yogurt, tea, coffee, hummus, salsa...you get the idea. FOOD.

I've always been a "snack" person. Something sweet after dinner is normal for me. So instead of going cold-turkey, I allowed myself to have whatever was left in my kitchen. This included fiber one bars. They're chocolate and oat, so there IS sugar. And eventually they are a no...but while I transition, the fiber allows my blood sugar not to spike and the chocolate allows my brain not to revolt.

And you know what? It's not that hard. In fact, cutting it out is making me less hungry. Go figure. I am beginning to prefer the taste of naturally sweet foods more...oranges, yogurt (unsweetened - unflavored), tomatoes and I physically don't long for it. Hooray!

What to eat then?

I recently joined a CSA, which will deliver fresh, locally grown fruits and veggies to me each week. This means that I don't even have to go to the store to have all the healthy I need! I highly suggest doing things like this for yourself...if it's easy, you'll stick to it.

I looked up the various foods we should be eating each day and here's my list:

• Food Amount Calories
• Hemp Seeds 3 TBSP 135
• Yogurt 3/4 c 110
• Flax Seeds 2 TBSP 74
• Cinnamon 1/2 tsp 0
• Almonds 23 163
• Blueberries 1/2 c 42.5
• Broccoli 1/2 c 15
• Oatmeal 1 1/2 c 360
• Tea 2-5 c 0
• Beans 3/4 c 495.75
• Garlic 1 clove 0
• Olive Oil 1 TBSP 119

They can be combined and enjoyed in various ways. What matters is trying to eat as close to this list each day as possible for great nutrition and a balanced, happy body. Each has a different reason, so if you cannot stomach one of them, look up why they're good for you and find a substitute. Obviously you will eat more than just this...this is only about 1500 calories (and a person NOT trying to lose weight needs more than that).

*I want to take a moment to point out I am NOT a doctor/researcher/specialist and this is strictly what I was told by a friend whom I trust to have done the research. I encourage you to do the same if you're at all concerned that I'm wrong. Though I can't see a single negative come from eliminating this poison from your diet. To my knowledge no one ever died from NOT eating sugar.

Friends are great reminders

This past week, I had the pleasure of sharing my new found success with a good friend of mine. I listened as she expressed her frustration at recent weight gain and then had a time of reflection as she said no to having a salad with me for dinner because "I already had dunkin donuts today, so I'm going all out for dinner."

I remember being there. I remember when my brain was not on my side. I remember when each moment was consumed with thoughts of when I could eat again, which carbs I wanted, when I could get the next sugar high.

Listening to my friend, I had an extreme feeling of empathy; but not just for her, I had it for myself. I thought back to how I had been and thought for so many years and I just felt sorry for that 'me.' The slavery I had to my thoughts was so strong that at one point I tried to join the football team in school and later the army...just to have someone structure my life in such a way that my brain couldn't control me anymore. I was willing to have a drill sergeant scream at me and open myself up to going to war just to find some mental peace.

Ultimately neither of those happened, so my thoughts kept attacking me and sabotaging any of my attempts to change. When I finally decided I was going to get lapband, I was done. I was done fighting, I was done being bullied by my thoughts and I was done feeling worse every morning.

As I've shared in previous posts, my journey to getting the lapband included several epiphanies. The final one was that I simply had to say NO to myself. And I had to mean it. Listening to my friend struggle with her thoughts showed me just how far I've come. I don't try, I don't talk myself into eating healthy, I don't distract myself from thinking about unhealthy foods. I am free, completely.

The recipe for getting where I am is pretty simple:

Say no.
Pray.
Get people to support you without judgement and without jealousy (avoid others who are struggling still - they will unknowingly talk you out of making good decisions)

If you want to know:

What I eat

My exercise routine

My church

Munchies

As I approach my next hormonal shift, I notice two subtle things: I want to snack and I want salty or sweet things. The rest of the month I have been able to basically not pay a lot of attention to what I'm eating in a flavor or texture kind of way. I choose healthy foods that taste good and plan ahead well. Yesterday and today I am noticing a creeping need for munchies. Coworkers snacking is on my radar, I am thinking more about food than normal and I am starving.

While it's possible that it is tied to the minimal calories I had Monday, I think it is possible as well that my hormones are playing a role in this. I'm proud of myself in that I will still manage to stay within the 1500 calorie limit for the day, which is not normally how I would handle things when this shift comes through. It's a nice feeling to be in control even when my hormones and munchies are kicking.

Getting noticed

If you've never weighed a whole lot...or never lost it...you won't know the info below. Even if you have dropped a lot of weight, you may not have noticed what I'm about to tell you. Being a people-watcher extraordinaire, I have observed the following:

It's kind of weird that every stage of weight has it's own category of attention. 15 pounds ago I was in the "invisible" category; the place where no one really looks at you except random homeless people. This stage is actually a big reason people get to that high of a weight. Much research has gone into the psyche of being overweight and has found that most people are heavy to protect themselves in some way. It's usually sub-conscious, but it is rare to find someone like me...someone overweight who likes attention.

Now I'm in the "noticed in passing" stage where people notice me again and are beginning to have judgement in their looks. It's important to note that at no stage do I care about these varying degrees of reaction/attention; I just find people fascinating (hey, my degree is in Sociology). I love to make mental notes of different things as I people watch in a feeble attempt to understand how people think. It makes the time on the train feel shorter :)

As someone who has lost a significant amount of weight before in my life, I know I will soon drop into the "Noticed and possible competition" category. This category carries with it a bit harsher judgement. When you're being judged because someone thinks of you as "fat," they are judging your overall appearance. When you're being judged because you might be a potential competitor, the judgement becomes about everything...how your hair is done, what your lips looks like, whether your shoes match your purse, if your toe nails are painted, etc. Girls are ridiculous. Again, let me reiterate, I'm able to notice this because it amuses me. Woman have NO idea what men actually see in a girl, so we judge each other based on what we see. The funny thing is that when a girl judges another on all that, it has no basis in her competitive edge. I get hit on more in sweats and a hair tie than I ever do when I'm perfectly coiffed. And I get hit on by more married men than single ones. Figure that one out!

I mention all this merely because I can. Being someone who's self-esteem is firmly planted without regard to others, I thoroughly enjoy watching people's reactions to each other, including me. Being intuitive, I usually know what they're thinking, so I love to look them in the eye. It's fun to watch their reaction when they realize I know. I don't know how this communication exchange takes place, but some day we'll discover people are more telepathic than science currently attests to. Until then I will just continue to enjoy, observe and report back to you what I find.

Cheat days

Included in my "plan" are various kinds of cheat days. Once a week I can have 1800 calories and once a month I can have an unlimited day. This weekend I took both, haha. Having a visitor in town...my mom...means we are out and about more than usual. I enjoyed some Italian on Saturday and then Sunday had Chinese for lunch, Mexican for dinner AND some fro-yo with toppings for dessert. Hey, I'm a multi-cultural foodie.

What was awesome was that in neither case did I feel out of control, in neither case did I blow the rest of the day just because of those meals, and in neither case did I wake up feeling hungrier than normal. I decided when I made the "plan" that my big cheat day a month would be followed by a shake day to help re-regulate my blood sugar. I'm halfway through that today and feel great! I'm a little tired, and excited for my salad in an hour or so, but other than that I'm not weird out about it and I'm not trying to talk myself into eating instead.
Progress!

The little voice in your head

I have never so easily been able to distinguish between my soul, my thoughts and the "other" voice in my head as clearly as I do now. My soul is curiously witnessing the exchange and basically not caring what happens ultimately as the body is a temporary residence anyway. But my thoughts are for the first time entirely separate from the voice in my head.

Before you ask, no I'm not schizophrenic, the voice isn't a person. It's the desire. I can hear it telling me just ONE cheat would be okay; just ONE bite; just ONE thing not on the list. Who wants rules anyway? Weren't they made to be broken? Do the doctors really MEAN no, or are they just being overly cautious? I've been good, don't I deserve this? Strict rules aren't healthy, you need this. YOU NEED THIS.

It gets louder.

And yet there above it all are my own thoughts. My very clear, very controlled brain saying NO. For the first time in my life, I think, I'm not trying to find a way to give in, I'm simply saying NO. It's liberating and terrifying and surreal.

The "other" wants me to fail. It wants and wants and wants and is never satiated. It is unwelcome in my life and yet sitting inside my own mind, harassing me to the point that I now need surgery. My epiphany is this:

I always thought I had no will power. That is entirely untrue, I have ridiculously strong will power. And my will WANTS to make the wrong choice. It wants me to fail. It isn't my will power being weak that is the problem, it's been my poor brain finding a way to say no to my will power. What a different world!

Ketosis saves the day

Somehow it did not occur to this two time Lindora patient that all the shakes were meant to do was get you in ketosis. Had I realized that, I could have avoided the almost 3 days of misery getting into it. Ketosis, if you don't know, is when your body uses up all the carbs you've eaten and stored and begins to burn your own fat for energy. Literally you are eating your own ass. Amazing. The up-side is that since you're getting surgery, you've got plenty where that came from! So how could your body be hungry?? Ever?

It isn't.

Thank you, God!

Here's my suggestion for those who aren't yet ON their 2 week diet.

Start 3 weeks before.

Don't panic, don't touch the shakes yet :)

Week 1 (3 weeks before surgery if you're required to do 2, 5 weeks before if required to do 4, etc.)

During this week, begin substituting protein for carbs. Eat as much as you want, as often as you want. Chicken, beef, fish, burgers (no bun), hot dogs (no bun), turkey, cottage cheese, greek yogurt, lunchmeats.  Also include all the non-starchy veggies you want...basically ALL of them except corn and beans.

NO fruits, breads, sweets, sugars, etc.

At night, a teaspoonful of REAL honey (in decaf tea is good too) will help you sleep (NOT corn syrup).

Drink literally anything non-caloric you want...broth, coffee, tea, sugar free sodas, etc. You will notice that after a few days, you're not hungry at all. Eating begins to feel like a chore and you change from thinking, "When do I get to eat again?" to "When do I HAVE to eat again." You simply stop wanting to. You will feel hungry when your blood sugar drops, so always ALWAYS eat every 3 hours. This is true no matter who you are or how much you weight. 3 hours is the magic time. You should not wait to feel hungry.

As you get closer to the end of the week, you'll be in ketosis. You might taste it like I do...a weird, almost rotten taste comes out when you breathe. This is normal. Your body is eating itself, it's not going to smell good. If you don't get this, consider yourself lucky!

Two ways you will KNOW you are in ketosis:

• You aren't hungry unless it's been hours since you ate last (and it's a mild hunger)
• You have a ton of energy and your mood is elevated

Week 2-3 Follow doctors orders

This would have been SOOOOO helpful for me and would have saved me several days of being miserably hungry. Once you're in ketosis, the switch to shakes is simply about taste and texture. GNC protein drinks are super cheap and taste great. The only down side is that they are super sweet, so you'll definitely want broth laying around so that you can drink that first in order to balance the sweetness. 

As always, please leave a comment if you'd like or ask a question if this isn't clear :)

Day 2 of shakes

It's amazing when you're hungry all the weird food memories you have. Last night I dreamt about eating strawberries. Today I am remembering two things vividly: 1 is the sandwich I ate after a 3 day fast I did years ago for a medical procedure. 2nd is food I had with my best friend years ago at a brewery in Long Beach, CA. NO idea why these two things are coming up for me, but here we are.

Last night I had beef broth with peas and carrots in it. I know, sounds odd, but I needed the sodium. Having all the sweet shakes is getting to me, so that helped. I also had some carrots with salsa and that helped a ton. THEN I had my final shake for the night, which allowed me to sleep nicely.

So far today I have no headache and haven't taken anything to prevent one.

I am GRUMPY. I noticed myself being short with members of my team, and could recognize my hunger behind it all. It's a bumpy road so far, but I know day 2 is supposed to be the worst. Ticking along...

I'm hungry...and it's only day 1

The shakes taste good, so I'm relieved about that, but not having any carbs or fat is killing me. It's only been a day, how am I going to get through 14 of them?? Once I've had surgery I would imagine my hunger is less...plus by then I'll have eaten nothing substantial in weeks. But ugh. I'm drinking water and decaf coffee and sugar free beverages a ton. I plan to get broth tonight so that I don't totally lose my mind; but this is NOT fun.

Many people have asked me why I don't "just diet and exercise"? I find this question so interesting. If it were that easy, I wouldn't be fat. I'm just saying. I did start to think, though, "Hey, why not try it again. I could do the shake days and then just eat slowly without needing surgery."

I'm only on day 1 and I would have cheated by now, a few times, if I were just doing this to lose weight. Knowing the surgery will be safer if I comply with this makes it easier mentally. Physically, though, I'm over it. I've been trying to explain to friends why I need this. It has never been so clear to me until right now. When there is a pending life or death consequence for my actions, I take it seriously. When the consequence is a maybe and is way off (ie: diabetes "someday") it isn't enough of a reason for me to stick to it.

So here I sit, drinking a decaf coffee, water and sparkling ice at the same time hoping the amount of liquid in my stomach will make the hunger stop. another hour until I can have another shake. The thought of MORE sweet isn't making it any better either. I need broth.

If you've been through this...how many days do you fantasize about "real" food?

Shake Day 1

It's only 10:45 and already I took a pain pill for the carb headache I was getting. Not good. I know it wasn't caffeine as I had my coffee. I don't mind the shakes, in fact they are tasty; but going down to less than 900 calories a day with almost zero carbs isn't going to be easy.

I feel for my coworkers!

Final Doc appt before surgery!

Today was my last appointment before surgery. I am SO excited!!!!! My doctor is amazing and answered all my questions quickly. I feel prepared, excited, eager and happy. The most annoying part is having to make all the phone calls and appointments for the pre-op testing, etc. Ugh. I need an assistant for these things.

At the moment I am working out 3 days a week. I may do up to 5 for the 2 weeks of fasting I am coming into before surgery (to shrink my liver). Once I have surgery, I will take off the few days after to rest and then have permission to start walking as soon as I want. My exercise routine, however, has to wait a month after to allow my scar to heal as to not get a hernia.

I am over the moon. I cannot believe it's finally almost here and I will get to start feeling better and exercising more easily and not having to constantly feel deprived in order to eat less. I've made peace with the foods I will forever be giving up...pasta, good bread, carbonated beverages, alcohol (mostly) and have said my goodbyes. Most there is a "way" to have again, but I truly respect this as a tool and therefore am not in any way wanting to push the boundaries. To me, the band means giving up these things. For good. Surgery is a big deal, it's a firm step forward and the only way out of my situation is to move ahead and never look back.

Hello future! I'm coming!

Me before (depending on the photo I'm between 260 and 290):

 

Exercise

I decided instead of waiting to lose some of the weight first, that I would start a workout regime 3 weeks prior. I've been trying not to have everything happen at once. Being someone who enjoys starting the day with a workout, this wasn't a huge step; but I hadn't set foot in a gym (for financial reasons) in over a year...so it was long overdue.

Lucille Roberts is a women's only gym with locations all over NYC. For a CHEAP monthly rate, one gets to visit all of the locations, all classes, unlimited. Amazing.

With a combination of cardio and Tim Ferriss' workout: The Four Hour Body, my workout looks like this:

Monday

30 min cardio (I do treadmill due to knee issues)

• 2 min warmup at 2.5
• 3 min warmup at 3.0
• 20 min at 3.5
• 3 min cooldown at 3.0
• 2 min cooldown at 2.5

5 min workout

• 10 - 20lb Kettlebell lifts
• 20 - 20lb Kettlebell swings
• 15 crunches atop the half-moon BOSU ball
• 10 each side of alternate arm and leg lifts while on all fours (If this doesn't make sense, read his book!)

10 min stretching

DONE!

Tuesday

50 min cardio

• 2 min warmup at 2.5
• 3 min warmup at 3.0
• 40 min at 3.5 (Alternating with elevations up to 1.0)
• 3 min cooldown at 3.0
• 2 min cooldown at 2.5

10 min Stretching

Wednesday

50 min cardio

• 2 min warmup at 2.5
• 3 min warmup at 3.0
• 40 min at 3.5 (Alternating with elevations up to 1.0)
• 3 min cooldown at 3.0
• 2 min cooldown at 2.5

10 min Stretching

Thursday

50 min cardio

• 2 min warmup at 2.5
• 3 min warmup at 3.0
• 40 min at 3.5 (Alternating with elevations up to 1.0)
• 3 min cooldown at 3.0
• 2 min cooldown at 2.5

10 min Stretching

Friday

30 min cardio (I do treadmill due to knee issues)

• 2 min warmup at 2.5
• 3 min warmup at 3.0
• 20 min at 3.5
• 3 min cooldown at 3.0
• 2 min cooldown at 2.5

5 min workout

• 10 - 20lb Kettlebell lifts
• 20 - 20lb Kettlebell swings
• 15 crunches atop the half-moon BOSU ball
• 10 each side of alternate arm and leg lifts while on all fours (If this doesn't make sense, read his book!)

10 min stretching

If this is too much for you to start with, start smaller. I used to do a lot more than this, so I decided to hit the ground running, so to speak. 

I started my day with a protein shake!

UPDATE:Protein Shakes

The dreaded 2 week protein shake fast is coming. Ugh.

While I am extremely excited for my upcoming surgery (May 29th!!!), I am NOT excited about the upcoming 2 weeks of protein shakes. This is apparently necessary to shrink my liver in order to make the surgery safer. Fine. But 2 weeks?? I'm getting surgery because I'm hungry and you're going to make me fast beforehand?!?!?!?!

Torture.

One saving grace is that I can have broth as well as 2 cups of veggies a day (non-starchy ones, of course) and I can still have my coffee. Thank GOD.

The shake I've decided on is Muscle Milk Light. It tastes good somehow...I know, hard to believe. It also has a higher protein content with fewer calories than most of the other options out there. I figure I need all the protein I can get as it should help me to be less hungry. We shall see.

What experiences do you have with them?

UPDATE: So I changed my mind on the brand. I will be using GNC Total Lean. It tastes better, is WAAAAY cheaper, has more protein than MMLight and has 3 different flavors out. Yay!

Finding a surgeon

It is the fortune of my life that I am always in the right place at the right time. When the idea to finally seek professional help for the weight that would not leave my body struck me, I found myself living in NYC. My coworker directed me to the VERY helpful website, obesityhelp.com. It was through that site that I located my surgeon.

My search was fairly simple. I searched the doctors in my area that had really high ratings and a lot of them. I called 3. The first two had fairly rude secretaries. At the time, I was asking about a procedure still in testing called Gastric Plication. A friend of mine had it a year prior with amazing results. I wanted this surgery for the simple reason that it removed nothing and yet worked like a gastric sleeve.

The first two called wouldn't even speak to me, said a simple, "No, we don't do that," and hung up. Finally, the 3rd doctor had a secretary that did not hang up. She said it was still in clinical trials, but that the doctor would be happy to chat with me about it and booked an appointment.

I began researching him. Extensively.

What I learned made me laugh. I reached this stage of my life at 34. I had lived and worked all over the world, had many times thought about getting help but never took the step, and there was no reason that this was the time I finally made the decision to see someone.

And yet, here I was, working and living in NYC, with the ability to meet with THE #1 leading LapBand surgeon in the world. Not the country. The world. He's done more surgeries than any surgeon, of any kind, in the world. He was brought to the US from Australia to teach American doctors how to DO this surgery 20 years ago. On top of that, he himself had the surgery done 10 years prior.

Jackpot.

Still, I went to the appointment expecting a surgeon's personality. A "God Complex"ed jerk with terrible bedside manner whom I would tolerate because of his excellent resume.

What I found was quite the opposite. He is kind, generous with his time, explained everything in detail, answered all of my questions, and would not let me leave until he told me that I should be proud of myself for admitting I needed help. We spoke about Gastric Plication and he expressed his newfound concerns quite candidly. He explained each type of surgery available, discussed which he thought best for various personality types and asked what "type" of patient I was. He then told me which he thought was best for me and said I should spend time thinking about it and let him know if I would like to proceed.

A surgeon?? Human??

They do exist! It's like the holy grail, but it's real. As I write this, I've had 3 visits with him (my insurance requires 1 more before I can officially "qualify" to apply to them for coverage). Each visit he is kind, answers any questions and is encouraging.

If you're in the NYC area, visit http://thinforlife.med.nyu.edu/ and search for Dr. George Fielding.

Good luck!!