Seeing sugar as poison

Warning: this gets a little long

Having moved since my last post from NYC to sunny California, my life has been a little crazy. My weight has remained stable through this transition and I stopped worrying about losing for a while so that I could settle into life here. I'm now on a simple routine of walking to and from work each day (1.3 miles each way) and then yoga/stretching twice a week. I will soon be adding weight training in 2-3 days per week as well.

Now about sugar.

I spent last weekend in beautiful Lake Tahoe with my oldest friend in the world. She's a scientist and specializes in how various chemicals effect cell structure, etc. I am lost very easily when she speaks, but she is a great teacher and brings it back down to my level as soon as my face goes "huh?"

The topic this weekend was about a study that was recently completed. She is super critical of studies and doesn't believe most of what is out there. She will pour over the details of findings to make sure each step was done properly and that there was no possibility of bias on behalf of the researchers. It is this intense distrust in her that makes me worried. This new study she believes. She said the findings tell us this:

Sugar changes our DNA.
Sugar causes cancer.
Sugar then feeds the cancer.
Sugar causes diabetes.
Sugar causes heart disease.*

Sugar causes our cells to continue dividing even when they are unhealthy/damaged cells. In a normal body, when a cell divides and the result is a damaged cell, the cell itself has within it's structure to commit suicide; thus ensuring that only healthy cells continue dividing. Sugar blocks that signal. This means that when a cell divides and results in a damaged cell, that damaged cell goes right on dividing. It isn't hard to see why we as a nation have gotten so unhealthy so fast.

Thanks to the "fat makes you fat" craze, anything and everything was created "fat-free" AKA: high sugar. The flavor had to come from somewhere. Research has now proven that we were wrong. Completely. Some fats make you fat, but it is sugar that makes you sick. It's toxic. And it's in everything.

Alright, so not EVERYTHING. What isn't it in? The perimeter of the store. We've all heard it...that you're supposed to walk into the supermarket and stay on the outside. Why? Everything inside is processed. That truth is much more important than we knew.

The FDA is now in the process of changing food labels to show us the added sugar. The study is changing the face of food...and hopefully, your kitchen cupboards.

But HOW?!? Sugar?!? 

I know. Believe me, I know. Even after I had broken myself (through a ton of prayer) of my addiction to it, I was still in love with it. Come on, it's sugar!

That's the problem. When given the choice between sugar and cocaine (yes, cocaine), mice chose sugar! It's so addictive it can even make you want it over cocaine if you have to choose between them. If you don't think you're addicted to it, then stop. Today. See how that goes.

When you realize that you, yes you, are addicted...only then can you begin to heal it and stop having it entirely. The FDA is currently saying it's safe to have up to 5 teaspoons a day for women/7 for men. But a couple of years ago, it was 8/10...essentially sugar is being seen a less and less healthy. Therefore, it's my belief that the only solution is to remove it completely...like quitting smoking. Just done.

Does this mean you'll never ever ever have anything with sugar ever again? No.
Does it mean you'll stop buying it and eating it regularly? Yes.

Sugar should become so rare in your life that just as a previous chain smoker will be annoyed by the smell of smoke wafting their way, the taste of it should annoy you. After all, it's bad for you. Your body knows it, you've just been so inundated with it that your body figured out a way to deal with it. Your taste buds changed, your blood sugar changed and everything lined up to allow for this addiction.

It's not as hard as it sounds.

When I decided to take it out of my diet, I started SLOWLY. The word NO never entered my brain. I simply stopped buying anything with sugar in it. I also stopped counting calories. The only way I was going to get through this was to NOT feel hungry. Ever. Hunger = cravings = bad choices. So I surrounded myself with things I like that aren't sugary...crackers, cheeses, fruits, oatmeal, salad, chicken, yogurt, tea, coffee, hummus, salsa...you get the idea. FOOD.

I've always been a "snack" person. Something sweet after dinner is normal for me. So instead of going cold-turkey, I allowed myself to have whatever was left in my kitchen. This included fiber one bars. They're chocolate and oat, so there IS sugar. And eventually they are a no...but while I transition, the fiber allows my blood sugar not to spike and the chocolate allows my brain not to revolt.

And you know what? It's not that hard. In fact, cutting it out is making me less hungry. Go figure. I am beginning to prefer the taste of naturally sweet foods more...oranges, yogurt (unsweetened - unflavored), tomatoes and I physically don't long for it. Hooray!

What to eat then?

I recently joined a CSA, which will deliver fresh, locally grown fruits and veggies to me each week. This means that I don't even have to go to the store to have all the healthy I need! I highly suggest doing things like this for yourself...if it's easy, you'll stick to it.

I looked up the various foods we should be eating each day and here's my list:

• Food Amount Calories
• Hemp Seeds 3 TBSP 135
• Yogurt 3/4 c 110
• Flax Seeds 2 TBSP 74
• Cinnamon 1/2 tsp 0
• Almonds 23 163
• Blueberries 1/2 c 42.5
• Broccoli 1/2 c 15
• Oatmeal 1 1/2 c 360
• Tea 2-5 c 0
• Beans 3/4 c 495.75
• Garlic 1 clove 0
• Olive Oil 1 TBSP 119

They can be combined and enjoyed in various ways. What matters is trying to eat as close to this list each day as possible for great nutrition and a balanced, happy body. Each has a different reason, so if you cannot stomach one of them, look up why they're good for you and find a substitute. Obviously you will eat more than just this...this is only about 1500 calories (and a person NOT trying to lose weight needs more than that).

*I want to take a moment to point out I am NOT a doctor/researcher/specialist and this is strictly what I was told by a friend whom I trust to have done the research. I encourage you to do the same if you're at all concerned that I'm wrong. Though I can't see a single negative come from eliminating this poison from your diet. To my knowledge no one ever died from NOT eating sugar.

Perseverance

After last weeks minor setback, I proved to myself that I have changed. How? I did NOT emotionally react, feel defeated and throw in the towel. Instead, I had a protein day, got back to the gym and prayed that God would work His magic on my body to heal it and help it to rebound quickly from the illness and medication.

This week I am down not just the weight I gained that week, but an additional pound, bringing my total pounds lost to 25.6! I was prepared for it to come off slowly and was completely awe struck at the scale this morning. I knew I had followed the right eating plan and exercised; but with steroids, I was cautious to be optimistic. I'm overjoyed to see the quick rebound my body made and be able to see God's hand in helping me to get through that bump with a good attitude and get to see such awesome results.

Last weekend I realized I could no longer wear my normal work pants, as they're way too big, so I went shopping. I figured I'd be down a size and brought a bunch of pants to the dressing room. They were all too big. I'm down 2 sizes! It's such a great feeling to know I'm in control of my body and my mind even when things externally impact me.

Another funny thing...I took a picture with a friend and could actually see the difference in my face. It's weird when you see your own weight loss happening.

Excited for the weekend!!

Steroids and weight gain

Being an asthmatic and sick is no fun. Part of the joy of it is having to take steroids so you can breathe. No, they aren't anabolic steroids...they're corti-steroids which reduce inflammation and help my lungs relax. Yay for breathing, but along with it comes weight gain, grumpiness, insomnia and a general lack of energy. I only have 1 more day of them, thank goodness. They resulted in a gain of 4 pounds this week...ugh. They also make you hungrier, which doesn't help the matter.

When I was a kid, my well meaning grandmother got me a cat for Christmas. Soon after, my mom found me on the sofa after school barely breathing. When we got to the doctor, my asthma had returned with a vengeance and I was immediately put on a grip of steroids. Within the year I had gained 85 pounds. As a ballet and tap dancer, this was devastating. It changed my whole world and was sick to my stomach with an ulcer by the end of the year. I ended up taking myself off of all of them and just avoiding anything and everything that triggered my asthma.

It is that weight which I'm still trying to get rid of now at 34 years old. 25 years of weight from those steroids. I can forget sometimes why I got here, but moments like this...having to be back on them and seeing things change so quickly...reminds me of it all and the struggle I had at such a young age. It makes me grateful to have a strong prayer life now, a strong support system now, and the self-esteem to talk about it so that it no longer has a hold on my emotional health.

I know that next week I will be back on track and feeling great, this is just a blip, but it stinks just the same.

Panera Bread: Testing my kryptonite

Everyone has their "thing" where food is concerned. For me, it's Panera Bread. Well...and brownies, but that's a whole other level of discussion. Panera is a place I used to go and order soup in a bread bowl, with bread on the side and a cookie. For anyone paying attention, that's about 1600 calories. For one meal.

When I began my healthy lifestyle, I decided Panera was a "no" food because of my history. Two months ago, I had my "last" Panera and said goodbye to my favorite spot.

With the success I've had lately in feeling so in control of my hunger, I decided it might be okay to pre-plan and try eating there in a healthy way. After inputting everything I like into their nutrition calculator (how awesome is THAT??) I saw the pattern of what IS and what IS NOT okay to have. Some things are fine on their own, but would not be enough, so it was good to play around with everything.

Ultimately I decided on a bowl of Black Bean soup (NOT in a bread bowl), a baguette on the side and two patties of the butter. The total calories: 440, with 18g of protein and only 5g of fat!

It's been about an hour now and I still feel great. I'm not craving anything, I'm satisfied and I'm STOKED that I can now safely order at my favorite place without feeling out of control or having to avoid it!!!

Lesson: When you're getting enough protein and vitamins, etc, cravings disappear so you're able to actually ENJOY something without it controlling you.

YAY!

Getting noticed

If you've never weighed a whole lot...or never lost it...you won't know the info below. Even if you have dropped a lot of weight, you may not have noticed what I'm about to tell you. Being a people-watcher extraordinaire, I have observed the following:

It's kind of weird that every stage of weight has it's own category of attention. 15 pounds ago I was in the "invisible" category; the place where no one really looks at you except random homeless people. This stage is actually a big reason people get to that high of a weight. Much research has gone into the psyche of being overweight and has found that most people are heavy to protect themselves in some way. It's usually sub-conscious, but it is rare to find someone like me...someone overweight who likes attention.

Now I'm in the "noticed in passing" stage where people notice me again and are beginning to have judgement in their looks. It's important to note that at no stage do I care about these varying degrees of reaction/attention; I just find people fascinating (hey, my degree is in Sociology). I love to make mental notes of different things as I people watch in a feeble attempt to understand how people think. It makes the time on the train feel shorter :)

As someone who has lost a significant amount of weight before in my life, I know I will soon drop into the "Noticed and possible competition" category. This category carries with it a bit harsher judgement. When you're being judged because someone thinks of you as "fat," they are judging your overall appearance. When you're being judged because you might be a potential competitor, the judgement becomes about everything...how your hair is done, what your lips looks like, whether your shoes match your purse, if your toe nails are painted, etc. Girls are ridiculous. Again, let me reiterate, I'm able to notice this because it amuses me. Woman have NO idea what men actually see in a girl, so we judge each other based on what we see. The funny thing is that when a girl judges another on all that, it has no basis in her competitive edge. I get hit on more in sweats and a hair tie than I ever do when I'm perfectly coiffed. And I get hit on by more married men than single ones. Figure that one out!

I mention all this merely because I can. Being someone who's self-esteem is firmly planted without regard to others, I thoroughly enjoy watching people's reactions to each other, including me. Being intuitive, I usually know what they're thinking, so I love to look them in the eye. It's fun to watch their reaction when they realize I know. I don't know how this communication exchange takes place, but some day we'll discover people are more telepathic than science currently attests to. Until then I will just continue to enjoy, observe and report back to you what I find.

Cheat days

Included in my "plan" are various kinds of cheat days. Once a week I can have 1800 calories and once a month I can have an unlimited day. This weekend I took both, haha. Having a visitor in town...my mom...means we are out and about more than usual. I enjoyed some Italian on Saturday and then Sunday had Chinese for lunch, Mexican for dinner AND some fro-yo with toppings for dessert. Hey, I'm a multi-cultural foodie.

What was awesome was that in neither case did I feel out of control, in neither case did I blow the rest of the day just because of those meals, and in neither case did I wake up feeling hungrier than normal. I decided when I made the "plan" that my big cheat day a month would be followed by a shake day to help re-regulate my blood sugar. I'm halfway through that today and feel great! I'm a little tired, and excited for my salad in an hour or so, but other than that I'm not weird out about it and I'm not trying to talk myself into eating instead.
Progress!

The little voice in your head

I have never so easily been able to distinguish between my soul, my thoughts and the "other" voice in my head as clearly as I do now. My soul is curiously witnessing the exchange and basically not caring what happens ultimately as the body is a temporary residence anyway. But my thoughts are for the first time entirely separate from the voice in my head.

Before you ask, no I'm not schizophrenic, the voice isn't a person. It's the desire. I can hear it telling me just ONE cheat would be okay; just ONE bite; just ONE thing not on the list. Who wants rules anyway? Weren't they made to be broken? Do the doctors really MEAN no, or are they just being overly cautious? I've been good, don't I deserve this? Strict rules aren't healthy, you need this. YOU NEED THIS.

It gets louder.

And yet there above it all are my own thoughts. My very clear, very controlled brain saying NO. For the first time in my life, I think, I'm not trying to find a way to give in, I'm simply saying NO. It's liberating and terrifying and surreal.

The "other" wants me to fail. It wants and wants and wants and is never satiated. It is unwelcome in my life and yet sitting inside my own mind, harassing me to the point that I now need surgery. My epiphany is this:

I always thought I had no will power. That is entirely untrue, I have ridiculously strong will power. And my will WANTS to make the wrong choice. It wants me to fail. It isn't my will power being weak that is the problem, it's been my poor brain finding a way to say no to my will power. What a different world!