The 80/20 Rule

When in college I took a Kinesiology class. It was basic, so it covered all the various ways to be healthy vs. unhealthy from diet to exercise to stress to occupations, etc. The class changed everything about how I looked at our bodies and really helped shaped who I am today. One thing the instructor told us was the 80/20 rule: If 80% of the time you're doing the right thing for your body, the other 20% won't matter.

Today I experienced that and am beginning to respect my body even more. This week my hormones have been heightened so I'm eating more, including more candy/chocolate than "normal." I was going to just skip weighing in as I wasn't in the mood the see the consequences. I decided to go ahead anyway and only gained a half a pound! It's amazing how the body is able to "ignore" a few bad days when the rest of your month has been good.

Happy Friday!

Ups and Downs of weight loss

When I stepped on the scale last week, I knew I'd take a hit. I had my first "real" cheat day in 3 months and enjoyed a day of eating all the junk food I had lived without (donuts, regular soda, croissants, french fries, etc). In one day. Surprisingly, this resulted in a weight gain of only 1 pound. This week, I focused on sticking to the calories My Fitness Pal allots me and was rewarded with an almost 4 pound loss! Which makes it now 32 pounds I've dropped since the beginning of my journey.

It's been 3 months this weekend, so that makes it a little over 10 pounds a month. While I am certain I would have dropped more without my various ups and downs in how I have eaten, I also know that I will continue to have success because I am not "dieting." Instead, I have changed the way I eat, allowed myself exceptions and learning experiences, and am able to see food as nourishment first instead of a tasty fix.

If you're on a path to better nutrition, I recommend three things:

The My Fitness Pal app
GNC Total Lean Ready-to-drink Shakes
Yogurt (personal fav is the Cherry Fage)

Good luck!

Miscalculations

In the world of weight management, there is one factor that can silently sabotage your efforts...bad information. While much of the world is doing a great job of listing their calorie counts on their menus and in nutritional data online, not every restaurant does this yet. When having to do it on your own, it is quite possible that you will miscalculate things you eat.

This week, I did that. And I gained weight because of it. Thanks to My Fitness Pal, I was able to look at which foods I KNEW I got right, which then allowed me to see what I must have counted wrong. This did several things for me:

• It allows me to never eat those foods again, since I clearly can't properly account for them
• It allows me to NOT beat myself up for the weight gain
• and most importantly, it allows me to NOT let this to be a setback 

When you're trying to be healthy and lose weight (or gain it), as with everything in life, there is going to be a learning curve. Some days, weeks, months everything will go the way you think it will. And some won't. That's normal. When you don't know why it happened, it's easy to tell yourself that you failed, that your body is against you, that you might as well just give up because you clearly can't do this.

But when you know why, when you have the right tools and the means of changing your thought life to support you instead of sabotage you, miscalculations can be seen for what they are. Miscalculations. Not an attack, not a failure, not a character flaw. Just a simple, human, miscalculation.

So as I start my Friday, instead of feeling weaker, I actually feel stronger. I know how to do better next week, I know what to avoid and what doesn't support my efforts. I feel empowered.

***Sidenote: You'll notice in my post on what I eat, instead of deleting the things that contributed to this gain, I lined them out so that you too can avoid them :)

Friends are great reminders

This past week, I had the pleasure of sharing my new found success with a good friend of mine. I listened as she expressed her frustration at recent weight gain and then had a time of reflection as she said no to having a salad with me for dinner because "I already had dunkin donuts today, so I'm going all out for dinner."

I remember being there. I remember when my brain was not on my side. I remember when each moment was consumed with thoughts of when I could eat again, which carbs I wanted, when I could get the next sugar high.

Listening to my friend, I had an extreme feeling of empathy; but not just for her, I had it for myself. I thought back to how I had been and thought for so many years and I just felt sorry for that 'me.' The slavery I had to my thoughts was so strong that at one point I tried to join the football team in school and later the army...just to have someone structure my life in such a way that my brain couldn't control me anymore. I was willing to have a drill sergeant scream at me and open myself up to going to war just to find some mental peace.

Ultimately neither of those happened, so my thoughts kept attacking me and sabotaging any of my attempts to change. When I finally decided I was going to get lapband, I was done. I was done fighting, I was done being bullied by my thoughts and I was done feeling worse every morning.

As I've shared in previous posts, my journey to getting the lapband included several epiphanies. The final one was that I simply had to say NO to myself. And I had to mean it. Listening to my friend struggle with her thoughts showed me just how far I've come. I don't try, I don't talk myself into eating healthy, I don't distract myself from thinking about unhealthy foods. I am free, completely.

The recipe for getting where I am is pretty simple:

Say no.
Pray.
Get people to support you without judgement and without jealousy (avoid others who are struggling still - they will unknowingly talk you out of making good decisions)

If you want to know:

What I eat

My exercise routine

My church

What I eat

Within 1 hour of waking (170 calories):

• Chocolate GNC Total Lean Shake
• Coffee with just a splash of half&half

3-4 hours later, lunch (400-600 calories):

• Hale and Hearty salad with chicken, spinach, goat cheese, strawberries, cucumbers and onions. Chili-Lime vinaigrette with french bread on the side and 2 pats of butter

or

• Panera Bread pick two deal with greek salad (no olives) and black bean soup (or chicken noodle), a side of french bread and 3 pats of butter

or

• Beans and rice with cheese and LOTS of hot sauce

or

• Subway sandwich

3-4 hours later, snack (100-300 calories):

• Greek yogurt

or

• frozen yogurt with white chocolate chips and raspberries

or

• White cheddar popcorn

or

• Hummus and pita

or

• GNC Total Lean Vanilla Shake with a splash of coffee

3-4 hours later, dinner (200-600 calories):

• Wahoos #1 with blackened chicken taco, white rice, white beans and a grip of limes

or

• Spicy tuna roll and 2 pieces of salmon nigiri

or

• Salad with tuna, crushed lime tostidos, tomato, onion, red leaf lettuce and lemon juice

or

• Cream cheese, salsa and lime tostidos

or

• Pineapple chicken with white rice

or

• GNC Total Lean Shake

Snacks at night, if I need more calories or want dessert:

• Sugar free chocolate/vanilla swirl pudding

or

• Brookside dark chocolate covered pomegranate seeds

or

• Frozen yogurt with mini m&ms and mini marshmallows

I use the My Fitness Pal app daily!!

Bullies

While walking on the treadmill yesterday, I picked up and read Glamour Magazine. They've always been my favorite and the article I read just reinforced why. They covered the story of a newswoman who last year was bullied by a viewer. He emailed her this:

Hi Jennifer, It's unusual that I see your morning show, but I did so for a very short time today. I was surprised indeed to witness that your physical condition hasn't improved for many years. Surely you don't consider yourself a suitable example for this community's young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain. I leave you this note hoping that you'll reconsider your responsibility as a local public personality to present and promote a healthy lifestyle.

As someone who has spent my entire adult life obese thanks to health issues, the word that struck me as the most ignorant was the word CHOICE. It made me really ponder the thought life of a person who would choose that word in this situation. Choice. I realized that there is an entire population of people who honestly believe that the way people get fat is by laying around the house eating McDonalds and Haagen Daas.

While I will give you that they do exist, I don't actually know ANYONE who got overweight through laziness and overeating. The laziness and overeating come because of the obesity, not the other way around. The obesity is usually a symptom of an illness...from asthma to pregnancy to hypothyroidism to joint/leg injuries to cancer to weak organs. The weight starts to come on quickly and before you know it you can't move and it basically doesn't matter how much or little you eat, it all just increases your waistline.

While it's easy to assume this man is an idiot or moron, I received an email from a friend of mine from church after my last post thanking me for teaching him so much. He is a learned, intelligent, articulate man in his 40s who is an athlete and he had no idea that there were steroids used medicinally or that they could alter one's body composition. It's unfortunate in today's society that the majority of people actually have no idea what obesity is, how it happens or what it means.

Everyone has their cross to bear; but if you would, take a moment to contemplate if whatever your issues are were out there for the world to see and judge. My asthma made me take meds that increased my weight significantly. I'm finally on my way back to health, but it took decades of trying and failing before I understood what my body needed and could mentally attack the pain in my joints and difficulty breathing in order to actually work out.

The only reason anyone knows I have an issue is because it caused an external symptom called obesity. Those suffering from bi-polar disorder, cancer, depression, IBS, etc generally do so in private. They would not be very happy if the whole world could tell just by looking at them that something was off. And then on top of it, to be blamed for it and told it is "one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain."

The next time you see someone you consider obese, instead of thinking "wow, they should put down the donut and hit the gym," a more realistic thought would be, "whatever they're struggling to fight, I pray they get the help they need."

Happy hump day, folks :)

Perseverance

After last weeks minor setback, I proved to myself that I have changed. How? I did NOT emotionally react, feel defeated and throw in the towel. Instead, I had a protein day, got back to the gym and prayed that God would work His magic on my body to heal it and help it to rebound quickly from the illness and medication.

This week I am down not just the weight I gained that week, but an additional pound, bringing my total pounds lost to 25.6! I was prepared for it to come off slowly and was completely awe struck at the scale this morning. I knew I had followed the right eating plan and exercised; but with steroids, I was cautious to be optimistic. I'm overjoyed to see the quick rebound my body made and be able to see God's hand in helping me to get through that bump with a good attitude and get to see such awesome results.

Last weekend I realized I could no longer wear my normal work pants, as they're way too big, so I went shopping. I figured I'd be down a size and brought a bunch of pants to the dressing room. They were all too big. I'm down 2 sizes! It's such a great feeling to know I'm in control of my body and my mind even when things externally impact me.

Another funny thing...I took a picture with a friend and could actually see the difference in my face. It's weird when you see your own weight loss happening.

Excited for the weekend!!

Steroids and weight gain

Being an asthmatic and sick is no fun. Part of the joy of it is having to take steroids so you can breathe. No, they aren't anabolic steroids...they're corti-steroids which reduce inflammation and help my lungs relax. Yay for breathing, but along with it comes weight gain, grumpiness, insomnia and a general lack of energy. I only have 1 more day of them, thank goodness. They resulted in a gain of 4 pounds this week...ugh. They also make you hungrier, which doesn't help the matter.

When I was a kid, my well meaning grandmother got me a cat for Christmas. Soon after, my mom found me on the sofa after school barely breathing. When we got to the doctor, my asthma had returned with a vengeance and I was immediately put on a grip of steroids. Within the year I had gained 85 pounds. As a ballet and tap dancer, this was devastating. It changed my whole world and was sick to my stomach with an ulcer by the end of the year. I ended up taking myself off of all of them and just avoiding anything and everything that triggered my asthma.

It is that weight which I'm still trying to get rid of now at 34 years old. 25 years of weight from those steroids. I can forget sometimes why I got here, but moments like this...having to be back on them and seeing things change so quickly...reminds me of it all and the struggle I had at such a young age. It makes me grateful to have a strong prayer life now, a strong support system now, and the self-esteem to talk about it so that it no longer has a hold on my emotional health.

I know that next week I will be back on track and feeling great, this is just a blip, but it stinks just the same.

Surprise success

Having gone on vacation for a week and eaten a bit more than usual, I was expecting this week to reflect a bit of that. Last week I dropped a pound and a half, so I thought if I was lucky I dropped another 2 pounds this week.

When I got on the scale, I had to re-weigh myself 3 times from disbelief. I dropped 6 pounds this week! Granted I tried to eat a bit less this week to make up for last week, but I never expected THAT! I cannot recommend highly enough the My Fitness Pal app. It has made ALL the difference. I'm able to keep track of everything so easily and monitor myself constantly.

Before my vacation, I expressed my concerns with several friends from church, so I feel very thankful that their prayers helped me get through it all with such ease and success. I feel strong, empowered and able to succeed like I never have before!

Vacation Days and food

Little is as challenging to a new lifestyle as going on vacation. The routine changes, the scenery changes and trying new foods is usually part of any good city one might vacation in. The trip I took included Albany, Quebec City, Salem, Boston and Cape Cod.

I have a fairly strict NO croissant policy...way too much fat and calories to eat this very often. To enforce this, my rule is that I can only have them if they're french. While in Quebec City, I got to have a chocolate croissant, which was heavenly. I also dined at various local eateries along our route and went over an average of 120 calories a day from my norm.

This means, though, that I still dropped a pound and a half that week! Keeping track of everything I ate helped a LOT. I also started every day with a protein shake, like normal; and I kept my favorite sugar free pudding with us. This enabled me to try out places without being too crazy in my changes. I felt great the whole time, walked every chance I got and was able to be successful in maintaining my weight loss and healthy lifestyle even while allowing more exceptions than normal.

Coming home, I made sure to stock up on my shakes and pudding so that I could transition right back to my routine. It's amazing, as well, how much proper hydration helps. I drink water like CRAZY.

Happy!

Success

On the road to health, it's always important to point out the things you do right. This week, even though I suffered from some additional stressers, I was able to stay right where I needed to be. I ate 1500 calories or less each day, started my day with a protein shake and got to the gym 3 times.

As a kid, there was VERY little I wouldn't do for a gold star. So to honor my inner child:

The real reward? On top of feeling great, I am down another 3 pounds. That makes it 18 so far!! I think instead of thinking in those terms I want to start thinking toward my goal instead of away from my past. So to change it up, I am now 111 pounds from my goal! The goal could change as I'm more interested in feeling great and being healthy than weighing a specific number, but for now it'll work.

Tomorrow I leave for a week-long trip around the northeast. It'll be awesome, but will carry with it additional eating challenges and probably no time to work out regularly. I'm fortunate to have a body of fellow Christians who support, pray and encourage me along this journey. One of them sent me an email after my last post encouraging me through my munchies. If you don't have a support system, I highly encourage you to get one. It really makes a difference to feel like there are people rooting for you.

I attribute my success this week to my support system, the My Fitness Pal app and my planning. Happy Friday, kids!

Munchies

As I approach my next hormonal shift, I notice two subtle things: I want to snack and I want salty or sweet things. The rest of the month I have been able to basically not pay a lot of attention to what I'm eating in a flavor or texture kind of way. I choose healthy foods that taste good and plan ahead well. Yesterday and today I am noticing a creeping need for munchies. Coworkers snacking is on my radar, I am thinking more about food than normal and I am starving.

While it's possible that it is tied to the minimal calories I had Monday, I think it is possible as well that my hormones are playing a role in this. I'm proud of myself in that I will still manage to stay within the 1500 calorie limit for the day, which is not normally how I would handle things when this shift comes through. It's a nice feeling to be in control even when my hormones and munchies are kicking.

My Fitness Pal review

In all fairness, this is my first day using it, so I could change my mind; but I LOVE the My Fitness Pal app! You can search various foods, put in calories yourself or create an entire food profile. It then compiles everything into weekly or longer data so you can see your progress. I also love that it tells you based on your weight, height and goal how many calories to eat per day.

Before you think this is just for those losing weight, it has goals to gain or maintain as well; and it has entries for exercise. I am not easily impressed and that is the word I would use with regard to this app! I had been writing down each days foods (if it goes in my mouth, it's counted) so this lets me do so on my phone, which is ALWAYS with me. In addition because you can enter your own foods into it, you can figure out your favorite meals once, input it with a name you'll remember, then just go to My Foods and find it the next time you eat it, instead of trying to recalculate things.

What's even MORE awesome is that because you create a login, you can access the information even if for some reason your phone isn't with you. Though I imagine that isn't often. I was able to see a pattern in my eating that tells the story of the successful weeks of weight loss versus non-successful ones. Oddly for me, I have many days where I under-eat so this called me on it and will encourage me to get my calories in regularly. A healthy metabolism is a properly fed metabolism.

Happy App-ing kids!

Panera Bread: Testing my kryptonite

Everyone has their "thing" where food is concerned. For me, it's Panera Bread. Well...and brownies, but that's a whole other level of discussion. Panera is a place I used to go and order soup in a bread bowl, with bread on the side and a cookie. For anyone paying attention, that's about 1600 calories. For one meal.

When I began my healthy lifestyle, I decided Panera was a "no" food because of my history. Two months ago, I had my "last" Panera and said goodbye to my favorite spot.

With the success I've had lately in feeling so in control of my hunger, I decided it might be okay to pre-plan and try eating there in a healthy way. After inputting everything I like into their nutrition calculator (how awesome is THAT??) I saw the pattern of what IS and what IS NOT okay to have. Some things are fine on their own, but would not be enough, so it was good to play around with everything.

Ultimately I decided on a bowl of Black Bean soup (NOT in a bread bowl), a baguette on the side and two patties of the butter. The total calories: 440, with 18g of protein and only 5g of fat!

It's been about an hour now and I still feel great. I'm not craving anything, I'm satisfied and I'm STOKED that I can now safely order at my favorite place without feeling out of control or having to avoid it!!!

Lesson: When you're getting enough protein and vitamins, etc, cravings disappear so you're able to actually ENJOY something without it controlling you.

YAY!

Getting noticed

If you've never weighed a whole lot...or never lost it...you won't know the info below. Even if you have dropped a lot of weight, you may not have noticed what I'm about to tell you. Being a people-watcher extraordinaire, I have observed the following:

It's kind of weird that every stage of weight has it's own category of attention. 15 pounds ago I was in the "invisible" category; the place where no one really looks at you except random homeless people. This stage is actually a big reason people get to that high of a weight. Much research has gone into the psyche of being overweight and has found that most people are heavy to protect themselves in some way. It's usually sub-conscious, but it is rare to find someone like me...someone overweight who likes attention.

Now I'm in the "noticed in passing" stage where people notice me again and are beginning to have judgement in their looks. It's important to note that at no stage do I care about these varying degrees of reaction/attention; I just find people fascinating (hey, my degree is in Sociology). I love to make mental notes of different things as I people watch in a feeble attempt to understand how people think. It makes the time on the train feel shorter :)

As someone who has lost a significant amount of weight before in my life, I know I will soon drop into the "Noticed and possible competition" category. This category carries with it a bit harsher judgement. When you're being judged because someone thinks of you as "fat," they are judging your overall appearance. When you're being judged because you might be a potential competitor, the judgement becomes about everything...how your hair is done, what your lips looks like, whether your shoes match your purse, if your toe nails are painted, etc. Girls are ridiculous. Again, let me reiterate, I'm able to notice this because it amuses me. Woman have NO idea what men actually see in a girl, so we judge each other based on what we see. The funny thing is that when a girl judges another on all that, it has no basis in her competitive edge. I get hit on more in sweats and a hair tie than I ever do when I'm perfectly coiffed. And I get hit on by more married men than single ones. Figure that one out!

I mention all this merely because I can. Being someone who's self-esteem is firmly planted without regard to others, I thoroughly enjoy watching people's reactions to each other, including me. Being intuitive, I usually know what they're thinking, so I love to look them in the eye. It's fun to watch their reaction when they realize I know. I don't know how this communication exchange takes place, but some day we'll discover people are more telepathic than science currently attests to. Until then I will just continue to enjoy, observe and report back to you what I find.

Cheat days

Included in my "plan" are various kinds of cheat days. Once a week I can have 1800 calories and once a month I can have an unlimited day. This weekend I took both, haha. Having a visitor in town...my mom...means we are out and about more than usual. I enjoyed some Italian on Saturday and then Sunday had Chinese for lunch, Mexican for dinner AND some fro-yo with toppings for dessert. Hey, I'm a multi-cultural foodie.

What was awesome was that in neither case did I feel out of control, in neither case did I blow the rest of the day just because of those meals, and in neither case did I wake up feeling hungrier than normal. I decided when I made the "plan" that my big cheat day a month would be followed by a shake day to help re-regulate my blood sugar. I'm halfway through that today and feel great! I'm a little tired, and excited for my salad in an hour or so, but other than that I'm not weird out about it and I'm not trying to talk myself into eating instead.
Progress!

Back in Black

This morning I got to put on my favorite work pants! They haven't fit in 6 months! It's always a reassuring feeling when something you know didn't fit goes on like they're made for you. They aren't my favorite old jeans...those will take a while longer to fit into again; but when I gained weight last year and things started to stop fitting, my favorite work pants had to be put away. I knew someday they'd fit again. Today is the day! Yay!

Last night I went to a marketing event for a friend. The event featured whiskey tasting, fresh baked goods and was held in a full scale restaurant. I did not attempt to go without research first. I gotta say, the more prep you do before an outing, the easier things go. Before I went, I looked up where we were going to see the food situation. I knew there would be alcohol and goodies, so I knew I'd need to eat. Looking through the menu, the french dip called to me. Surprises of all surprises, they are actually NOT a lot of calories! About 400, which is a totally fine calorie count for dinner. Obviously that is not including the french fries, which I just shared with everyone...fries aren't really my thing.

After a single whiskey tasting and my amazing sandwich, I was far too full to even consider a bite of the baked goods...which included cupcakes, lemon-raspberry bars and some other delicious looking treats. When I got home, I had my vitamins (I look forward to them all day) and just really wanted water. The sodium in the au jus sauce made me thirsty!!! Aside from that, it was a successful night. And I awoke to discover I've dropped another 3 pounds this week! Yay me!

Celebrating small victories

While attempting to change anything about one's character or lifestyle, I think it's important to celebrate when you make a clear good decision that is the opposite of your norm. Last night I got to attend a private event in the Soaked Mondrian Rooftop Bar & Lounge. The event was to showcase DAVIDsTEA and their partnership with the bar to create tea infused cocktails for the summer.

I got a glass of iced tea, Coconut Grove - AMAZING, took literally two sips of an Apple Orchard Martini and walked over to the dessert table. I looked at the chocolate chip cookies, powdered sugar dusted brownies and fruit tarts with longing. For about 5 seconds. I immediately thought about how I'd feel after...hungrier, somewhat sick to my stomach and not satiated.

And I said no.

What was awesome was that it wasn't just one of the voices in my head that said no. The reasoning was strong enough for both "me"s to agree it was a bad idea. For anyone who thinks...ya, but it was just cookies and brownies...you should know that I could happily survive on brownies, orange juice and my grandmothers cheese potatoes without ever wanting anything else to eat for the rest of my life. I consider brownies to be their own food group. Saying no without remorse to my absolute favorite food is VERY liberating.

Ironically I then got home and had trouble eating enough calories for the day. After saying in my last post that I never go below 1200, I finished the day at 1105. And still was glad I hadn't had the brownie :)

Workouts, calories and BMR

When I took Kinesiology classes in college I learned about the BMR and what it means in terms of calories. I needed a refresher to make sure I was making good choices.

The BMR (if you don't know) is your body's Basal Metabolic Rate. It is the calories your body burns over a 24 hour period, not including any activity. So if you are a couch potato, then that is an accurate number. For all activity above that, you add to the number.

So what?

Well, if you want to stay the same weight, hit that number as an average every day. That means it's okay to go over that number some days and under others and you'll average out to that number.


Your body reacts to consistent change, so if you eat above that number for weeks you'll gain weight, if you eat below it for weeks, you'll lose weight. For the most part. Keep reading...

Each pound of fat is 3500 calories. So if you want to lose a pound a week, deduct 500 calories a day from that number. If you want to lose 2, deduct 1000. To deduct that much, you'll need to be exercising a lot because if you eat fewer than 1100 calories a day your body will go into starvation mode and stop burning calories. At that point preservation is key and your body defends itself against death by beginning to run on less energy. This isn't healthy.

I have been trying to stay within a 1300-1500 calorie range per day. I do NOT go below 1200 and seem to feel best on right around 1400. On days I exercise I'm actually less hungry, but I make sure to get it all in anyway. Protein shakes and yogurt save the day for me as contrary to popular belief, not all overweight people like eating. Certain foods, yes; but actual shopping, preparing, chewing, cleaning, etc. I find tediously boring.

That's actually part of the problem. I prefer to eat "easy" foods...cookies, cakes and bread are all basically pre-digested and you could swallow them without chewing if you wanted to. This means those foods don't take energy to burn, so eating them is sending sugar straight into your blood. This in turn makes you want more, but you never feel full.

Protein shakes and yogurt are ALSO easy to eat, require no prep and create no dirty dishes. Thank goodness! I still make sure to have a good sized salad every day, multi-vitamins (hello adult gummies!!) and some kind of healthy carb (usually rice), but for breakfast (my least favorite meal of the day...but the most important) I get to grab a chocolate protein shake. Chocolate for breakfast!

That way when I get to the gym, I have the energy needed to do my workout! And I remember to deduct calories burned, of course :)

Sample BMR (aka mine):

Height 5'7
Weight 282 (was 294 when I started!)
Age 34
Female
BMR - 2036.2

Calories burned today: 170

Total calorie burning today: 2206.2

Calories I'll eat: 1400ish

806.2 calories burned alive, never to return.

Hormones and protein

As a woman, and I'm sure to a lesser degree men too, hormones play a huge role in my emotions, my decisions and my level of hunger. In addition, the kinds of foods I want change based on hormone fluctuations. Curious about how I would handle that with my new way of eating and looking at food, I was a bit afraid yet eager to see what changes, if any, I would experience.

The answer: Almost none.

Yesterday my mood changed the same way it always has, my level of energy was lower, I felt like I was "hit by a truck" (a common way a girl describes the feeling), muscle aches came and went, etc. And yet only at around 4 did I feel more hungry than any other day. I allowed myself an additional snack and more fat than on other days.

When I counted up the calories, though, they were STILL under 1500 for the day! Because I aim for 1300 each day, hitting 1500 is within my daily allowance. I want fluctuations so that my metabolism stays high. And even on a day when I would normally eat at least 1000 more calories than any other day, I didn't. I didn't need it.

I think it's because of ONE thing. Protein. I start every day with a chocolate protein shake (GNC Total Lean). They have 25 grams of protein, 170 calories and only 2 grams of sugar. They're a great way to start the day because protein does so many good things for your blood sugar, level of hunger and energy. By doing this each day, I think my blood sugar leveled out well enough to handle the hormonal shifts without me having to suffer much from it.

This is only the first month, but I'm excited about this change!

Cravings

There was an ad in the subway station today for 7/11 hots dogs and sodas that said something about cravings. It occurred to me that since I started having the shakes and began adding healthy foods into my diet, I have had zero cravings.

It got me thinking. What are cravings? Where do they come from? What do they mean?

I eat adult gummy vitamins every day and am now eating lots of greens, so the normal cravings for healthy foods have no reason to come to me. That means that cravings are a sign from your body that you need something that you're not getting. What does it mean, then, when we crave things that are not healthy? It leads me to believe that by eating unhealthy foods, we create an unnatural state within our body wherein it then believes itself to be in need of it when we don't have it. Even though this is not true.

What do you crave? Is it healthy? If not, why do you crave it? Do you want it to stop?

Scales and Alligators

An alligator will look at you, consider attacking and perhaps decide to let you off with a curious glance, making you certain of your safety; or so you thought. They can sneak up behind you, quick as lightening and attack, leaving you deeply damaged or dead.

Like alligators, scales should be treated with caution. A scale, if used properly, can be an instrument to tell you whether or not you're heading in the right direction. A scale might look harmless, but you can't "un-know" what it will tell you. You might step on it feeling great; you know you haven't overeaten, you have been exercising, you KNOW it will give you good news.

And then it doesn't.

And like a sneaky alligator, suddenly your thoughts begin to spiral, leaving you damaged or dead inside. You didn't see it coming and now the pretty day you woke up to feels like a hot subway station and you just need air.

WHY?

No matter what you tell yourself...muscle weighs more than fat, water weight could be to blame, weight fluctuates, etc...media and society base everything on the numbers on the scale. Instead of throwing on your favorite jeans and thinking, "Wow, they're loose!" we are trained to hop on a scale to determine what our mood should be for the day. Sounds like the voice from another post on here!

But how can you fix that???

Well there's different answers for everyone. For me, praying and determining my response to the number beforehand are a major factor. I can face it if I don't feel attached to the number. If I am in a place where I look at it as a tool to see what IS and IS NOT working, during a period of transition in my diet. Once transitioned, it's generally better for me to basically avoid them, as one bad "weigh-in" can make me doubt everything I've worked on since the last one. And those thoughts from earlier...muscle weighs more than fat, water weight could be to blame, weight fluctuates...are TRUE! But turning your thoughts from negative to positive take a LOT of practice, and sometimes I'm just not there.

If you're one of those weirdos who isn't affected by those numbers, awesome! Share your secrets!! If you're not, like most of us, stack it at the top of your closet and only break it out when you run into it. Spring cleaning! OH - time to weigh in! Your body and mind will thank you :)

Why I am NOT having surgery

When I began the year, I knew that focusing on my health was going to be priority #1. I have lost weight before, it isn't that I don't know how; but I gained it back every time. I thought that my will power was the issue, so after finding a nutritionist and specialist, we agreed that surgery was the best option. The journey continued on that path for several months.

Then a week before surgery I had an epiphany (you can read about it in an earlier post) that made me begin to look at myself and my thoughts in a whole new way. I was finally able to actually SEE and HEAR the problem. Some much needed soul searching later (also in another post), I came to the conclusion that it wasn't surgery I needed. It was a nutritionist and the simple word NO.

The plan, though, needs a few more details that that. The way my brain thought was this:

NORMALLY when you "start a diet" you remove items from your diet, feel deprived, lose weight, eventually rebound and then decide you don't have the willpower to be healthy.

REALITY can be this: Spend 10 days on the "shake" or "pre-surgery" diet. This means you drink up to 5 shakes a day (I like the GNC Total Lean chocolate or vanilla - add cold coffee to the vanilla for a latte!). You can also have non-starchy veggies. After 10 days on them, you've taken yourself to zero in terms of having the foods you are used to. That way, when you begin to add foods back in, you feel happy! You are ADDING, not subtracting!

If you just add in what is healthy, then you're set up for a lifetime of health! Before the 10 days, say goodbye to all the foods you love...have soda, have bread, have candy; have anything and everything that you love and enjoy the memory of having your last one ever.

Then when your 10 days is up, NEVER add them back in. Start fresh, like a baby, and add in only the foods you know are good for you. This can include "snack" foods as long as they are healthy and not something that you LOVE. If you ever feel yourself slip, just pop back onto the 10 days of shakes and reset again.

*You shouldn't LOVE a food. It's food. That's not what it's for. If you need it because you love it, you need a therapist, not surgery. If you disagree or become angry by that statement, focus on that thought. What is angry? Why? Is it not true? Why are you deriving pleasure from food? Why do you think that's normal or okay?

Now try this...tell that thought to leave you alone. Tell it that you do not accept it's pathetic attempt to gain pleasure from food and that life is much bigger, richer and more amazing than a cookie (or french fry, or chip, or cake...you decide). What did that cookie ever give you? Did it REALLY make you happy? Did one ever feel like enough?

You know what DOES feel like enough? Healthy foods! You can enjoy them, gain nutrients from them AND not crave them. It's the best of both worlds. You like what you're having, but you no longer love it so much you can't stop.

A friend of mine said to me not long ago, "But life isn't fun without soda!"

Do you feel that way? That life "isn't fun" without a cookie, or cake, or soda, or nachos, or 12 sugars in your coffee?

If you're feeling defensive, that's good! Listen to that...it's your will. THAT is your will. The part of you saying, "Leave me alone! I like it, that's normal, it's okay to want those things!"

Do you hear it? Now recognize the part of you that "hears" it.

Did you ever see the illustration of the devil and the angel on a persons' shoulders?

You just met them both.

Which one do YOU want to be a slave to?

You can only pick one.

An excerpt from my personal diary

Following the new lesson on telling myself NO, I spent the weekend with my church at our annual retreat. I had a lot of internal turmoil happening with the realization that I have a dark side and a light side. In that, I now can choose to pull apart what the thoughts are and where they come from. In many ways I wish I could understand myself better.

I want a cookie. Why? Beyond taste, what am I looking for? What does the cookie represent? Where is the need?

More importantly, so what??????? (In asking these questions, I am not just holding the thought captive, I am interrogating it, making it answer for itself)

Eating is about nutrition for survival. Marketing strategies have taken place which refocus that into pleasure and senses. Don’t fall for it! Satan is in the details. If an activity, food, behavior or thought doesn’t glorify God, then it glorifies Satan. Period. It’s black and white. Like you cannot be a little pregnant – you either are or are not – you cannot glorify Satan and disappoint God a little. You either do or do not.

Therefore, your thought process has been backwards. It isn’t about eating food you enjoy that may or may not be healthy; it’s about eating healthy food you may or may not enjoy. If you get both, yay! If you have to pick one, HEALTHY is now the ideal. And to go against that is to tell God you prefer Satan win this one. Is that ever true?

The little voice in your head

I have never so easily been able to distinguish between my soul, my thoughts and the "other" voice in my head as clearly as I do now. My soul is curiously witnessing the exchange and basically not caring what happens ultimately as the body is a temporary residence anyway. But my thoughts are for the first time entirely separate from the voice in my head.

Before you ask, no I'm not schizophrenic, the voice isn't a person. It's the desire. I can hear it telling me just ONE cheat would be okay; just ONE bite; just ONE thing not on the list. Who wants rules anyway? Weren't they made to be broken? Do the doctors really MEAN no, or are they just being overly cautious? I've been good, don't I deserve this? Strict rules aren't healthy, you need this. YOU NEED THIS.

It gets louder.

And yet there above it all are my own thoughts. My very clear, very controlled brain saying NO. For the first time in my life, I think, I'm not trying to find a way to give in, I'm simply saying NO. It's liberating and terrifying and surreal.

The "other" wants me to fail. It wants and wants and wants and is never satiated. It is unwelcome in my life and yet sitting inside my own mind, harassing me to the point that I now need surgery. My epiphany is this:

I always thought I had no will power. That is entirely untrue, I have ridiculously strong will power. And my will WANTS to make the wrong choice. It wants me to fail. It isn't my will power being weak that is the problem, it's been my poor brain finding a way to say no to my will power. What a different world!

Ketosis saves the day

Somehow it did not occur to this two time Lindora patient that all the shakes were meant to do was get you in ketosis. Had I realized that, I could have avoided the almost 3 days of misery getting into it. Ketosis, if you don't know, is when your body uses up all the carbs you've eaten and stored and begins to burn your own fat for energy. Literally you are eating your own ass. Amazing. The up-side is that since you're getting surgery, you've got plenty where that came from! So how could your body be hungry?? Ever?

It isn't.

Thank you, God!

Here's my suggestion for those who aren't yet ON their 2 week diet.

Start 3 weeks before.

Don't panic, don't touch the shakes yet :)

Week 1 (3 weeks before surgery if you're required to do 2, 5 weeks before if required to do 4, etc.)

During this week, begin substituting protein for carbs. Eat as much as you want, as often as you want. Chicken, beef, fish, burgers (no bun), hot dogs (no bun), turkey, cottage cheese, greek yogurt, lunchmeats.  Also include all the non-starchy veggies you want...basically ALL of them except corn and beans.

NO fruits, breads, sweets, sugars, etc.

At night, a teaspoonful of REAL honey (in decaf tea is good too) will help you sleep (NOT corn syrup).

Drink literally anything non-caloric you want...broth, coffee, tea, sugar free sodas, etc. You will notice that after a few days, you're not hungry at all. Eating begins to feel like a chore and you change from thinking, "When do I get to eat again?" to "When do I HAVE to eat again." You simply stop wanting to. You will feel hungry when your blood sugar drops, so always ALWAYS eat every 3 hours. This is true no matter who you are or how much you weight. 3 hours is the magic time. You should not wait to feel hungry.

As you get closer to the end of the week, you'll be in ketosis. You might taste it like I do...a weird, almost rotten taste comes out when you breathe. This is normal. Your body is eating itself, it's not going to smell good. If you don't get this, consider yourself lucky!

Two ways you will KNOW you are in ketosis:

• You aren't hungry unless it's been hours since you ate last (and it's a mild hunger)
• You have a ton of energy and your mood is elevated

Week 2-3 Follow doctors orders

This would have been SOOOOO helpful for me and would have saved me several days of being miserably hungry. Once you're in ketosis, the switch to shakes is simply about taste and texture. GNC protein drinks are super cheap and taste great. The only down side is that they are super sweet, so you'll definitely want broth laying around so that you can drink that first in order to balance the sweetness. 

As always, please leave a comment if you'd like or ask a question if this isn't clear :)

Day 2 of shakes

It's amazing when you're hungry all the weird food memories you have. Last night I dreamt about eating strawberries. Today I am remembering two things vividly: 1 is the sandwich I ate after a 3 day fast I did years ago for a medical procedure. 2nd is food I had with my best friend years ago at a brewery in Long Beach, CA. NO idea why these two things are coming up for me, but here we are.

Last night I had beef broth with peas and carrots in it. I know, sounds odd, but I needed the sodium. Having all the sweet shakes is getting to me, so that helped. I also had some carrots with salsa and that helped a ton. THEN I had my final shake for the night, which allowed me to sleep nicely.

So far today I have no headache and haven't taken anything to prevent one.

I am GRUMPY. I noticed myself being short with members of my team, and could recognize my hunger behind it all. It's a bumpy road so far, but I know day 2 is supposed to be the worst. Ticking along...

I'm hungry...and it's only day 1

The shakes taste good, so I'm relieved about that, but not having any carbs or fat is killing me. It's only been a day, how am I going to get through 14 of them?? Once I've had surgery I would imagine my hunger is less...plus by then I'll have eaten nothing substantial in weeks. But ugh. I'm drinking water and decaf coffee and sugar free beverages a ton. I plan to get broth tonight so that I don't totally lose my mind; but this is NOT fun.

Many people have asked me why I don't "just diet and exercise"? I find this question so interesting. If it were that easy, I wouldn't be fat. I'm just saying. I did start to think, though, "Hey, why not try it again. I could do the shake days and then just eat slowly without needing surgery."

I'm only on day 1 and I would have cheated by now, a few times, if I were just doing this to lose weight. Knowing the surgery will be safer if I comply with this makes it easier mentally. Physically, though, I'm over it. I've been trying to explain to friends why I need this. It has never been so clear to me until right now. When there is a pending life or death consequence for my actions, I take it seriously. When the consequence is a maybe and is way off (ie: diabetes "someday") it isn't enough of a reason for me to stick to it.

So here I sit, drinking a decaf coffee, water and sparkling ice at the same time hoping the amount of liquid in my stomach will make the hunger stop. another hour until I can have another shake. The thought of MORE sweet isn't making it any better either. I need broth.

If you've been through this...how many days do you fantasize about "real" food?

Shake Day 1

It's only 10:45 and already I took a pain pill for the carb headache I was getting. Not good. I know it wasn't caffeine as I had my coffee. I don't mind the shakes, in fact they are tasty; but going down to less than 900 calories a day with almost zero carbs isn't going to be easy.

I feel for my coworkers!

Final Doc appt before surgery!

Today was my last appointment before surgery. I am SO excited!!!!! My doctor is amazing and answered all my questions quickly. I feel prepared, excited, eager and happy. The most annoying part is having to make all the phone calls and appointments for the pre-op testing, etc. Ugh. I need an assistant for these things.

At the moment I am working out 3 days a week. I may do up to 5 for the 2 weeks of fasting I am coming into before surgery (to shrink my liver). Once I have surgery, I will take off the few days after to rest and then have permission to start walking as soon as I want. My exercise routine, however, has to wait a month after to allow my scar to heal as to not get a hernia.

I am over the moon. I cannot believe it's finally almost here and I will get to start feeling better and exercising more easily and not having to constantly feel deprived in order to eat less. I've made peace with the foods I will forever be giving up...pasta, good bread, carbonated beverages, alcohol (mostly) and have said my goodbyes. Most there is a "way" to have again, but I truly respect this as a tool and therefore am not in any way wanting to push the boundaries. To me, the band means giving up these things. For good. Surgery is a big deal, it's a firm step forward and the only way out of my situation is to move ahead and never look back.

Hello future! I'm coming!

Me before (depending on the photo I'm between 260 and 290):

 

Exercise

I decided instead of waiting to lose some of the weight first, that I would start a workout regime 3 weeks prior. I've been trying not to have everything happen at once. Being someone who enjoys starting the day with a workout, this wasn't a huge step; but I hadn't set foot in a gym (for financial reasons) in over a year...so it was long overdue.

Lucille Roberts is a women's only gym with locations all over NYC. For a CHEAP monthly rate, one gets to visit all of the locations, all classes, unlimited. Amazing.

With a combination of cardio and Tim Ferriss' workout: The Four Hour Body, my workout looks like this:

Monday

30 min cardio (I do treadmill due to knee issues)

• 2 min warmup at 2.5
• 3 min warmup at 3.0
• 20 min at 3.5
• 3 min cooldown at 3.0
• 2 min cooldown at 2.5

5 min workout

• 10 - 20lb Kettlebell lifts
• 20 - 20lb Kettlebell swings
• 15 crunches atop the half-moon BOSU ball
• 10 each side of alternate arm and leg lifts while on all fours (If this doesn't make sense, read his book!)

10 min stretching

DONE!

Tuesday

50 min cardio

• 2 min warmup at 2.5
• 3 min warmup at 3.0
• 40 min at 3.5 (Alternating with elevations up to 1.0)
• 3 min cooldown at 3.0
• 2 min cooldown at 2.5

10 min Stretching

Wednesday

50 min cardio

• 2 min warmup at 2.5
• 3 min warmup at 3.0
• 40 min at 3.5 (Alternating with elevations up to 1.0)
• 3 min cooldown at 3.0
• 2 min cooldown at 2.5

10 min Stretching

Thursday

50 min cardio

• 2 min warmup at 2.5
• 3 min warmup at 3.0
• 40 min at 3.5 (Alternating with elevations up to 1.0)
• 3 min cooldown at 3.0
• 2 min cooldown at 2.5

10 min Stretching

Friday

30 min cardio (I do treadmill due to knee issues)

• 2 min warmup at 2.5
• 3 min warmup at 3.0
• 20 min at 3.5
• 3 min cooldown at 3.0
• 2 min cooldown at 2.5

5 min workout

• 10 - 20lb Kettlebell lifts
• 20 - 20lb Kettlebell swings
• 15 crunches atop the half-moon BOSU ball
• 10 each side of alternate arm and leg lifts while on all fours (If this doesn't make sense, read his book!)

10 min stretching

If this is too much for you to start with, start smaller. I used to do a lot more than this, so I decided to hit the ground running, so to speak. 

I started my day with a protein shake!

UPDATE:Protein Shakes

The dreaded 2 week protein shake fast is coming. Ugh.

While I am extremely excited for my upcoming surgery (May 29th!!!), I am NOT excited about the upcoming 2 weeks of protein shakes. This is apparently necessary to shrink my liver in order to make the surgery safer. Fine. But 2 weeks?? I'm getting surgery because I'm hungry and you're going to make me fast beforehand?!?!?!?!

Torture.

One saving grace is that I can have broth as well as 2 cups of veggies a day (non-starchy ones, of course) and I can still have my coffee. Thank GOD.

The shake I've decided on is Muscle Milk Light. It tastes good somehow...I know, hard to believe. It also has a higher protein content with fewer calories than most of the other options out there. I figure I need all the protein I can get as it should help me to be less hungry. We shall see.

What experiences do you have with them?

UPDATE: So I changed my mind on the brand. I will be using GNC Total Lean. It tastes better, is WAAAAY cheaper, has more protein than MMLight and has 3 different flavors out. Yay!

Finding a surgeon

It is the fortune of my life that I am always in the right place at the right time. When the idea to finally seek professional help for the weight that would not leave my body struck me, I found myself living in NYC. My coworker directed me to the VERY helpful website, obesityhelp.com. It was through that site that I located my surgeon.

My search was fairly simple. I searched the doctors in my area that had really high ratings and a lot of them. I called 3. The first two had fairly rude secretaries. At the time, I was asking about a procedure still in testing called Gastric Plication. A friend of mine had it a year prior with amazing results. I wanted this surgery for the simple reason that it removed nothing and yet worked like a gastric sleeve.

The first two called wouldn't even speak to me, said a simple, "No, we don't do that," and hung up. Finally, the 3rd doctor had a secretary that did not hang up. She said it was still in clinical trials, but that the doctor would be happy to chat with me about it and booked an appointment.

I began researching him. Extensively.

What I learned made me laugh. I reached this stage of my life at 34. I had lived and worked all over the world, had many times thought about getting help but never took the step, and there was no reason that this was the time I finally made the decision to see someone.

And yet, here I was, working and living in NYC, with the ability to meet with THE #1 leading LapBand surgeon in the world. Not the country. The world. He's done more surgeries than any surgeon, of any kind, in the world. He was brought to the US from Australia to teach American doctors how to DO this surgery 20 years ago. On top of that, he himself had the surgery done 10 years prior.

Jackpot.

Still, I went to the appointment expecting a surgeon's personality. A "God Complex"ed jerk with terrible bedside manner whom I would tolerate because of his excellent resume.

What I found was quite the opposite. He is kind, generous with his time, explained everything in detail, answered all of my questions, and would not let me leave until he told me that I should be proud of myself for admitting I needed help. We spoke about Gastric Plication and he expressed his newfound concerns quite candidly. He explained each type of surgery available, discussed which he thought best for various personality types and asked what "type" of patient I was. He then told me which he thought was best for me and said I should spend time thinking about it and let him know if I would like to proceed.

A surgeon?? Human??

They do exist! It's like the holy grail, but it's real. As I write this, I've had 3 visits with him (my insurance requires 1 more before I can officially "qualify" to apply to them for coverage). Each visit he is kind, answers any questions and is encouraging.

If you're in the NYC area, visit http://thinforlife.med.nyu.edu/ and search for Dr. George Fielding.

Good luck!!